Month: January 2017

It is what it is…………

Regina Phalange

Why is it when our friends discover a new relationship we are then cast aside? This goes for both men and women. We all do it. WHY? Eventually the honeymoon will be over, and then all is what suppose to go back to normal? hummmmmm

Where is the balance? Aren’t we all wiser with our time today, then when we were in our 20’s even our 30’s? I would think and hope we are. Just because there is something new in our life, aka a relationship doesn’t mean you cast aside those who have been there for you. It doesn’t mean fit them in here or there. It doesn’t mean I have so much else going on, and I can’t find the time because I want to spend it with so and so.  It doesn’t mean hearing the “oh you know I want to spend time getting to know this person better, so my time is limited.” Blah, blah, blah………………………………………….

No matter what, when you have close friends, you are in a relationship with them, you may not think so, but yes indeed you are! Casting them on to the sidelines until you are ready to play with them again just isn’t OK. These are the people who have been with you through thick and thin, wiped you up off the floor when you thought your world was going to fall apart. Was there just because, was there when you needed someone…..THEM. Was there to laugh with. Was there to cry with. Was there just to be there. That is what true friends are. Then one all a sudden something new is part of the their life and you are left on the sidelines of the game until you are called into play.

I ponder if those friends even take a second to realize just how this makes one feel. Sad, hurt, mad, a little heartbroken perhaps. If there is one thing Regina doesn’t like, is when someone disappoints her, nor does she want to ever disappoint anyone. When that person then comes around and asks the question; “what’s wrong, did I do something wrong?” Clearly they haven’t looked at your relationship as a true friend, as a relationship that at times can be tender.   Disappointing… Simply disappointing… Maybe both parties are wrong, maybe both parties are right, maybe both parties just need to talk it out, when a time out is taken on both sides and communication can be effective for both.

So here is what I know……

Be an effective communicator…… How do we then let them know they are disappointing us with this brush of of the game. Without making them feel completely angry, upset, sad, hurt and so on….. Express what is bothering you, discuss when you felt you were put out of the game and on the sidelines. Open up about how you were there first and that having someone new in their life is great (because it really is) but that ignoring your friendship is not so great! Communicate how this makes you feel and why. Ask them to just listen… Then ask them to take a time out and weather through what was said. Because it will be a storm of sorts, the edge of the bridge is right there and it could lead to being pushed right over and it the friendship is lost forever. Or it could mean you sat through the storm together, and here you are…. You’ve opened up their eyes and yours to what your friendship really means to you both.

Keep that true friend(s) who is/are your dearest friend(s) close, and even closer. Because one day you will NEED them in more ways the one!

 

Taking a risk….

Regina Phalange

When we fall for someone it comes with the risk that it might not be what we had hoped it to be.

Over the weekend a friend shared some of her heartbreak with me….. Confusion is on the tip of her brain due to it.

Let me share…

She’s never been more confused on the subject then she is now…..Men…. They want you, they court you, they woo you, say all the right things only to be told they don’t feel it’s working.. WHY? Most likely shit got to REAL and the moment it did, he was gone… Instead of sharing these feelings and working on them together as partners. Does this paint a picture that this person really didn’t want a partnership to begin with?

She poses the question:? How is it that when a man tries so hard to get the girl he wants (months of trying) he BAM with a snap of the fingers after he finally gets her, he bails…….????? She is heart broken.. Who wouldn’t be….. What she does know is that she feels the possibility that someone even greater will seek her out.  Good for her!!!

What impresses me is she will always be grateful for the experience and knowledge she got from being with him. She knows she will always miss him to some degree, and she is OK, she is after all human..

When we fall so hard even when we didn’t want. The risk of heartbreak is right there….It’s a death of something, that something that we hoped was going to be our amazing. It’s the risk we as strong humans are willing to take. Why do we, well because we can. Never say can’t because we always can! Just try. Men and women are creatures of habit.When we attempt to try…… when it comes to love, lust, passion, amazing and feeling…. Well most of us are really truly scared. It means they are letting their guard down, not being as cautious, they are opening up to the idea of something awesome. Yet when this happens, bam that person is gone.  WHY??? Most likely to come back and realize they should have just asked/said simple questions and/or suggestions.  Then it’s a matter of do we take them back, give them a second chance, after all don’t well deserve that second chance? Even if in deed they ran because they felt something better was going to come along. YES I say this because sometimes we need to make these dumb mistakes to realize what we had was quite possibly our amazing…

Men are simple… Very simple…. They are fearful that women don’t get that. When in reality we get it more then they know.  They just have to ask, they just have to let us know. And we as women need to LISTEN, not hear what he is saying, sharing, expressing, but LISTEN!!! Pay attention!!!!!

So here is what I know……

Power through, continue to be hopeful, to live patience, not just practice it, live it… Good things do come to those who know it’s there.

 

Practicing patience is one thing, however living patience is another.

Regina Phalange

When I think about practicing patience, I can’t help but know I am not very good at it……
Or I am?
I might be better at it in a different light.
Maybe I live patience more then I practice it.
There is a connection of the two. But in a different light.
When we put our minds to something, focus on it, visualize it, feel it, understand it……………………..we are living patience.

Here is what I know…

In the past oh I’ll say almost 3 years, I lived patience. In more ways then one. Yet not really thinking about it in those terms.

Living through life……. no……. not drama, Life… Yes living through it, and all that came with it.  Was brought to my own attention today during a pretty significant and most likely one of the most important meetings of my career. I knew that taking the next steps are so critical and I have to be patient about it.  Yet after this meeting, what I realized was I have been living patience through the process’s.  Just looked at it as powering through really. Making the choices that I made that make the most sense all around.

Always knowing I needed to focus on it, visualize it, feel it, understand it, live it, live patience..

 

 

Foolish thinking……Do we fool ourselves?

Regina Phalange

Into hoping it’s more then what it is? Perhaps we do  just that. Fool ourselves into thinking something is more then what it really is. Why do we do this? Could it be simply it’s what our heart wants, and we can’t help but hope the other is sensing, feeling the exact same way? Could it be that we are to fearful of the outcome if we do come right out and ask…. Is this more to this then what is on the surface? Could it be that we finally want, not that we need it, but want something more and are unsure how to approach the subject with said other?

In whatever type of relationship you are having, it’s really important to keep it real, keep it real, and keep it real! So why are we afraid to share, ask and expect a simple real answer? Unfortunately in this day and age it’s a number of reasons. You have a 50/50 chance that the other is on the same page that you are on. You have the chance that the other is not seeking anything more then what it, sex, so called friendship, blah, blah blah. You have a chance that once you open up to the other, they aren’t quite where you are at, but are open to the idea of it all. With any of those, you have a chance of emotions coming to surface and you need to find away to manage them.

I’m pretty sure we all read into what is put in front of us in some way shape or form. Does this make us Foolish?  We take what people tell us, and consider it honesty,  being open, being adult. Yet there are times, that is is all pulled away from us, because of misrepresentation . This of course comes on many levels.  We wonder why some are jaded. We wonder why some hold so much in and burst at the flames when they can’t take it in anymore.  We wonder how someone can do this to each other. When in reality isn’t all we want in the long run is to be heard, to be respected, to be ourselves, to not feel judgement, to always be able to keep it real?

Here is what I know…….

I have mentioned this a few times before, just keep it real.

When you keep it real with yourself, you keep it real with everyone around you. We are better humans by keeping it real.

Remember growing up, what you were taught… Simple things… It doesn’t have to difficult. KISS (Keep it simple silly)…  Be nice to each other. Use your manners. Say please and thank you. Be gracious and understanding, listen, don’t just hear what someone is saying, listen to them. You might learn more then you realize if you just listen.

So what I know………. is Foolish thinking is OK…. Just know what is real and what is not. Foolish thinking is your clouded mind pondering the wonder that is your moment, with or without someone, it’s moments we ponder and ponder hard about. Doesn’t make us Foolish……It makes us more aware….

 

 

Oh tis the Holidays!

Regina Phalange

The Holiday’s have come and gone.

I took a step back to engage all the Holidays had to offer. Family, friends, the spirit of the season, it swept me away. And for the first time in many, many years I found this past Holiday and the end of my year one of the best I have ever encountered. Being able to take in what is around me and seeing things for what they are, not what people think they should be. Has been quite refreshing to say the least.  I decided to allow things to just happen and not question it, not wonder about it, mostly not what if it!

Here is what I know……..

The Holiday’s can truly take a toll on us, only if we let it. Why not just sit back, and take it all in.

What I will and can do, is keep the amazing moments of Joy close to my heart. I will cherish them forever!

Happy New Year reader’s , Regina is back.