Category: Foolish thinking

The “Friend Zone” again.

Regina Phalange

“Friend Zoned” This statement is one so many just don’t want to be in. They feel so strongly about someone, think there is this connection, and chemistry. Only to discover this person they are romantically interested in, needs to be 100% sure, so they then put you in the “Friends Zone”. Because they don’t want to hurt your feelings, or give you the wrong impression, or lead you on. WTAF? Isn’t this what they are actually doing? Hanging out with you, getting to know you, talking playfully with you, flirting with you. Only to once again be told we we are “Friends” remember. BUZZZZ KILL at it’s finest. Now their reasoning behind it, is their past, they just don’t want to make the same mistake. So aaaaa are they thinking you could be their future mistake? No one is perfect, so how is it possible to make decisions based on their past experiences towards their future? Because they are holding their past in front of their future.

No wonder so many are cautious and guarded. I mean we need to be right? However, with that being said, we shouldn’t let our past dictate our future or present! If there is an opportunity knocking at your door, you should really open it up and let it in. Explore what is being put in front of you. Else that opportunity will pass you by and when you find yourself ready for the move, that opportunity is gone.

Timing…. Is NOT 1 sided, there are usually 2 people involved. It is not about one of you, who needs to be “sure” and it has to be on their “time”. How is that fair? It’s not, in any way, shape, or form. A relationship no matter what level or who it’s with, is about respect, of each others time. The best gift you can give anyone. So when you say it has to be on your time, quite frankly that is selfish, and completely one sided. So not fair to the other party involved. When they decided enough is enough, it won’t be on them, it will be you the one who wanted to be “sure”.

Even with all the chemistry and connection between you both, it’s a two sided street. Respect the signs, indeed, either merge together and explore the journey, or move on. Stop leading someone down a path that is going no where, especially when they know what they want, and what fills their cup and you know it. All you are doing is just that, leading them on.

Here is what I know….. Magic doesn’t happen often, life doesn’t always bring the right opportunity, timing is that…….timing, just don’t sit on the timing to long…. People aren’t desperate, just because they aren’t with someone, and you show up all of a sudden because you are ready. Remember they were ready way back when. You should have taken the opportunity when it was knocking at your door, but you chose to let them keep knocking.

When you get to a certain age, you just know…… When life presents you with magic, believe in it, it’s there for a reason.

It’s been awhile.

Regina Phalange

It’s been a long while actually. I took some time to work on a rather large project, involving people (some way to big for their britches), music, partners, sponsors, food, drinks and an amazing day!

The after math is what has hit me in more ways then one, two, three and so on. When you work with someone, there is a level of respect you want, as should they. There is follow through, on whatever your role your part may be. There is communication that is required. There is professionalism that is expected. During the after math so much of the lack there of comes out of the woodwork. We discover that when it’s to good to be true or when someone seems like they are slinging BS (even though they may have some clout) most likely they are full of it!

Knowing all that came with this journey, I have discovered I most certainly can this! I have it in me to learn, to listen, to understand, to take the next steps in the journey. I had my moment… I allowed myself that…And most likely I will have many more…… I will allow myself those moments.. I need to in order to work through what my spirit, emotions, mind and heart tells me!

So here is what I know.. Continue to Believe… Never say can’t…Because you always can….Just try!

Breakups……..

Regina Phalange
Dawn Ristow <dawn.ristow@gmail.com>6:10 PM (0 minutes ago)
to me

Break Ups…. Weather they be with a boyfriend or girlfriend or just a friend are never easy. After it happens you sit, you ponder in it…..and ponder in it…..and ponder in it. Why? Because you are human, and have emotions that we can’t always control. Do you think what could I have done differently? Do you think boy I should have seen that coming? Do you think what is it I did wrong? Do you think maybe it’s for the best. Do you think eventually they are going to be found out and will be called out on their  BS.
Once you get past the thinking and are able to have clear vision and it doesn’t linger in the back of your mind will they be back?


A good friend of mine shared with me recently a break up that she went through. Wasn’t even really a break up. It was more of a expression of honesty that led to her friend completely ignoring her ghosting her more or less.  Effective communication is so important and any and all relationships. It’s not always going to be good it’s not always going to be bad. It’s not always going to be bells and whistles. Just simply have regards for the other person’s emotions.


Unfortunately my friend thought  she had effective communication was happening. Honesty keeping things real, is exactly what both of these people boasted about. It’s what made their relationship real. At least that what she thought. Then one day my friend was sucker punched. So to speak. She discovered something about her friend….that they clearly they had been lying for some time. They weren’t honest, they weren’t open and they took the vulnerability my friend was able to share and sucker punched her.


Now fortunately my friend is strong enough to take that and say no more. What’s most interesting is that when she revealed complete and utter honesty She had discovered after that that this person had been lying. That most likely they had been lying for some time The good thing is  My friend did not reach back out to this so called friend to lay it on the line. She decided it wasn’t worth the time the energy or the efforts.


What she did do was mark her calendar.  She marked her calendar because the pattern of behavior of this friend like so many others is that they’ll be back.  Thinking that their secret is hidden deep and because time will have pasted and no one will know the wiser. When and if this so called friend reaches back out to her in a few months she will take the opportunity meet with them and effectively communicate the lies that she discovered.
What will this do for her. It will give her the satisfaction of having complete, utter clear vision and closure.

Here is what I know…If you cannot be honest with somebody keep your mouth shut. Leave that person and anyone else be. Don’t spout about wanting complete honesty when you can’t be honest yourself..
Because liars always are found out…

The past….The present…..The Future

Regina Phalange

The past, the present, the future…….. It’s like a revolving door, they all come back around. What we thought was in our past, presents it’s self again and presses us think about the future.  Recently someone shared a story with me about just this. She felt/feels she is between a rock and a hard place. She most definitely knows she has to let the past go, and just live in the present and let the future happen. As hard as it was, she knew if he really wanted to be there after all this time, he would maybe find a way. Maybe they will cross paths yet once again. I mean in the 5 years they  knew of each other, timing got in their way, each time their paths crossed something was in the way. Yet this last time is different, very different. All she can do is let it play out, being mindful of pressure, pushing, being sensitive to the situation. Just let it play out.

Here is what I know…….

Sometimes we just have to let things go and be OK with that. We just have to wait and see what the path offers.  Even if it means loosing what was, what is and what could be. We just can’t wait around, for someone, anyone. Time is the best gift we can give ourselves and anyone. So we have to keep moving on into our days and embrace what life has presented to us.

Vulnerable intentions…….

Regina Phalange

Being single….. aaaa the ups and the downs of it.

Do we care? Do we not care? Why should we bother?

Some like to be single. Some don’t.

It comes down to timing in our lives and what we want to make of it at that time. If we want to have someone be a part of that time. Only thing is, both men and women aren’t always forth right with what they need and what they want.

Those who are single, who put themselves out there, well they have an agenda of sorts.  They are ready to get involved and share their time with someone. They want to learn about them, to get to know them. They are emotionally available, they are ready.

Then there are those who say they are ready, and truly are just out to play a game. For their own benefit. They want to explore all the singleness around them. Play games with other people’s emotions. With no regard to that persons feelings what so ever. Leaving this person hurt, having their vulnerability stepped on. Making them more guarded, more cautious, more bitter.

Here is what I know….

If you are single and are looking for more, be honest, it’s OK to put yourself out there. It’s OK to be cautious and guarded. Allow yourself all that comes with it.

If you are single and are only looking for fun, be honest! Stop wasting people’s time, stop hurting someones vulnerability. It’s just not OK.

Much the same…….

Regina Phalange

Sure feels like it.  Except one area, being stronger about “Much the same”…….. When we hope for something for so long…. And it takes just as long to get there. You find when it presents itself to you……It’s really “Much the same”……… No fault of our own. Simply it’s what we feel, need, want and have to have. Yet if it’s still “Much the same”. Why would want to put ourselves through it again??????????

People, relationships, being honest, being real, sharing our truths, lying, putting on a good show, playing a game…………How is it we find much the same?  We can’t fault someone for being honest, we can’t fault someone who can open up and share.  Do we fault someone for lying, putting on a good show, playing a game, NO… We call them out on it, we make sure they know how it makes us feel. Their actions in this area, shows who they really are. Do we want that type in our lives? No….

Here is what I know…………..

Our time is worth more, our self worth is our credibility, when someone steps on that, it brings us down to their level. STOP doing that! Let them go……. Even through the power of Wisdom, we fall short, but sensibility will catch up, and you will know…  You are worth it!

Know when it’s all about timing………………….

Regina Phalange

Sometimes it’s all just that……….it’s about timing…..

Just when we think……………..feel…… and breath normal.. Timing plays a factor.  How do we bypass that?…….Well we don’t………simple as that.
The laws of average seem to bring in storms that effect the timing in our lives.

Experiencing the wonderful world of timing…  It’s not that we expect anything bad to happen………….meaning our world can be smooth………………………..moving forward…………….positive………………good………full…. We still have all that. But enter the storms of LIFE….. Completely unexpected and unfound, but yet sometimes the storms have nothing to do with us.  Though seem to effect us the most. Add other little storms into the mix and ta da, you have  what some would call a shitstorm…… Don’t look at it like that… Maybe look at it like this……. Life happens, and sometimes a lot of life happens at once. Unexpected, which is ok, we have to walk through Life and manage what we can within our control……. Else we live by the laws of average…… Who wants that???

When you engage your life with someone, and are walking down a similar path, sometimes there are so many distractions, that they cloud where your path is. Taking you down a path of despair, confusion….mostly the unknown. This is hard when you are first starting out in a relationship. Especially if one of you is wanting to tell the other what they know……..NO……Not advice, because Regina will tell you NEVER give advice, just share what you know.

So when this happens, and your partner has a storm coming, we start to see how can we tell them what we know. With out it seeming like advice, provide facts, justification of those facts. That’s all you can do, they have to be the one to take those facts and decide if they can use them in their storm. Or at the very least how to see their storm in a different wave. Usually there is one that is stronger of the 2. The one who is stronger of the 2 needs to be sure that their partner understands, that we (the stronger of the 2) understand they have a storm going on. Big…………small…………indifferent……….no matter the size. We need to make sure they understand, we understand.  We are able to be adult enough to step aside, give them time to get through their storm. Even if this means stepping away from what they have built thus far in their relationship.

Sometimes both will have storms at the same time. Yes……………this can be tricky! Those of us who are wise, know this……… no ones storm is worse then the other. It’s just a different.  Being wiser we should be able to recognize that one of them is going through more storms, some quite heavy at times then the other. With that, there should be no judgement. What should be is simply being able to recognize it, and validate it to each other. Giving each other the space between the wicked lives we live is sometimes the most important and best thing you can do for one another.

Weathering the storm.. It could-be worse then you think because the legs on their table might not be stable (Remember this https://and-here-we-are.com/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-yourself/  Remember if you don’t have a good relationship with at least 1 of the 4 legs on your table, you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, you have to have at least 1, at the very least 1).

And why would you pass judgment or find fault in that?  Unless you’re walking exactly in their shoes at that time of their storm you have no idea what they’re going through. It could-be all kinds of storms a tsunami of this………a tornado of that………a flood of those……… it really doesn’t matter because you’re not walking in their shoes.

 If indeed what one says to the other is exactly the storms that is going on in their lives. They don’t want you to see the worst of them. Up to this point they’ve only want you to see the best of them, sharing, exploring, being adventurous with, getting to know each other. But then the storms came in and came in very fast and very rapidly. So with that talking through and understanding what we go through when we go through storms is important in relationships. That’s whats even more important, is that we understand that it has nothing to do with us. If indeed the storms do not revolve around you the person in the relationship with the one going through the storm.
Chemistry…………………….connection………………………..feelings……………………….. that doesn’t happen every single day when you meet somebody. And so if you’re true to that belief and how you had fallen for this person. You will have faith that there storms shall pass. Let them get through the storm. It’s not your storm to take over. And when they get through that storm and things settle and the winds are more breezy then fears.
They will find their way back-to each-other.
The hopeless romantic I dream of A-day where I’m sitting in my yard in my swing at the end of the day. Head set in listening to music having, a cocktail shutting my eyes in just listening to the sounds around me feeling the air. I open my eyes and there they would be… We all want that happy endings However look at it in these terms. I want happy and the in between all the time because then there is no beginning and there is no end it’s always in between

Here is what I know…..

Unexpected storms happen…….All the time…………………………….. It’s how we weather them that gets us through.

And so if we are wise as we should be at this age. Then we as wise adults and humans should know when to step aside allow time and most importantly just be still.

 

Foolish thinking……Do we fool ourselves?

Regina Phalange

Into hoping it’s more then what it is? Perhaps we do  just that. Fool ourselves into thinking something is more then what it really is. Why do we do this? Could it be simply it’s what our heart wants, and we can’t help but hope the other is sensing, feeling the exact same way? Could it be that we are to fearful of the outcome if we do come right out and ask…. Is this more to this then what is on the surface? Could it be that we finally want, not that we need it, but want something more and are unsure how to approach the subject with said other?

In whatever type of relationship you are having, it’s really important to keep it real, keep it real, and keep it real! So why are we afraid to share, ask and expect a simple real answer? Unfortunately in this day and age it’s a number of reasons. You have a 50/50 chance that the other is on the same page that you are on. You have the chance that the other is not seeking anything more then what it, sex, so called friendship, blah, blah blah. You have a chance that once you open up to the other, they aren’t quite where you are at, but are open to the idea of it all. With any of those, you have a chance of emotions coming to surface and you need to find away to manage them.

I’m pretty sure we all read into what is put in front of us in some way shape or form. Does this make us Foolish?  We take what people tell us, and consider it honesty,  being open, being adult. Yet there are times, that is is all pulled away from us, because of misrepresentation . This of course comes on many levels.  We wonder why some are jaded. We wonder why some hold so much in and burst at the flames when they can’t take it in anymore.  We wonder how someone can do this to each other. When in reality isn’t all we want in the long run is to be heard, to be respected, to be ourselves, to not feel judgement, to always be able to keep it real?

Here is what I know…….

I have mentioned this a few times before, just keep it real.

When you keep it real with yourself, you keep it real with everyone around you. We are better humans by keeping it real.

Remember growing up, what you were taught… Simple things… It doesn’t have to difficult. KISS (Keep it simple silly)…  Be nice to each other. Use your manners. Say please and thank you. Be gracious and understanding, listen, don’t just hear what someone is saying, listen to them. You might learn more then you realize if you just listen.

So what I know………. is Foolish thinking is OK…. Just know what is real and what is not. Foolish thinking is your clouded mind pondering the wonder that is your moment, with or without someone, it’s moments we ponder and ponder hard about. Doesn’t make us Foolish……It makes us more aware….