Month: April 2017

The s***storms of life….

Regina Phalange

Don’t let them push you away from someone or something that could be an amazing opportunity for you and for them.

So when I was going through my s***storm of life, there was no man strong enough to stand next to me, to just hold me, to just tell me they were there to listen if I needed to vent. Nope there sure wasn’t (and that’s ok, it is a lot to take on), there were even friends who weren’t strong enough to just stand by me and support me. They all looked at my s***storm as drama…………it was not drama…….it was a lot of life happening in a very short period of time. Divorce, custody study, 3 different audits with my business, 3 different surgeries, a couple arm issues, lower back and neck problems add in 2 serious illness at the same time, yea a lot of life going on in under 2.5 years.  It’s challenging enough to go through alone, even more so if someone is next to you trying to understand and walk in your shoes. They can’t! They shouldn’t even try. All they could do is just listen, be there for you when a venting session is needed and zero judgement! There is enough of that in this world, you don’t need it in yours in your time of need.  Especially from someone you love, a friend or family member. Let’s do what we were taught in kindergarten, keep your mouth shut and ears wide open and listen……..

What I learned through that process was that I became stronger and knew that if I were to come across somebody male or female I would be strong enough to stand by their side. Because I had lived through what in my mind were many horrific experiences in a short period of time. Knowing that I had the strength to  get through what I did and that eventually there would be light at the end of the tunnel. I am living proof that when you hit rock bottom and you fall between the crevices of that rock bottom you have to simply look up, grab that rope and tie a knot and start climbing back up.

You may get knocked out again, and again, and again and yes again. However when you look within yourself you find the strength and see that little glimmer of light and know eventually things seem to work their way out.

Some just aren’t strong enough to stand by that person and say I’m just here for you if you need me.  Truly understand that it’s not drama………it’s life!

Why would you push anyone aside because they have life happening? That person could very well be the person who needs to be in your life at that time and then some!  Don’t short sell them because they have a little or a lot of life happening.

So here is what I know….

Keep in mind always we all have life around us. There is so much so many don’t know about what we have going on. There is so much many can’t understand. No matter what life happenings are going on, remember this, you aren’t walking in their shoes, you have no idea, so stop judging already! Drama is drama, if you haven’t figured out what drama is………compared to what life is, then you are living under a rock. Stop, listen, learn, understand the difference…..You’ll thank me later!

 

 

Never give advice.. Just tell them what you know….

Regina Phalange

Here is what I  know……………………………

When someone says to you, what do you think? …..what would you do?…. Stop.. don’t be quick to respond…..Take a deep breath and just share with them what you know…. It’s by no means giving advice.  It’s sharing what you might have gone trough, or someone you know that has gone through something.

 

 

 

 

When it happens..

Regina Phalange

How do you know? You know when it happens… You will know…That moment you know you have fallen in love.

Recently someone shared with me the moment………..they knew. Her description was so full of happy, I could feel it for her.

As we become wiser with age, we know or at least we should  know what we want and need. So why waste time if it’s right in front of you? You shouldn’t, nor should you let anyone tell you otherwise.  They haven’t or are walking in your shoes.

For both it seemed to happen early on. How did she know……..for him at least that,  it seemed to be from of the comments he had made. She knew she needed to be very cautious and guarded. Since it had been almost 15 years since she actually felt the falling in love part.  After they started seeing each other, she sensed something different about how she felt.  There was no games, there was no BS, there was just real open honesty. Sharing what the other was seeking and searching for. Learning to understand the quirks they both noticed of the other. Listening to what the other had to say, sharing about their day, their kids, their life so to speak. This was something they both realized neither had in a very long time. The edification was something he was not used to.  She is a believer in edifying someone, building people up, is key in her world. It’s what helps makes us a better person inside and out.

After a few weeks it seemed words were being said, just not the actual I have fallen in love with you words. She didn’t want to jump on verbiage just yet. As most of us know, we need to be sure we are sensing what the other is, ya know the same page thing. What’s nerve racking about it, is that what if it’s one sided, what if one is fully there and the other is not. And you are the one who is and share how you feel only to be let down……..Hello people this is the risk we must be OK with taking when we begin and continue through a relationship. Tip your toes into the water, and then take those next steps. You have to so you know where you are heading.

And sooooo… One evening he made a comment to her about how he could feel that it was love. She was taken aback by it. Yet before she could even respond, a distraction came into play. The conversation was left up in the air. The next day after milling over how they got to that conversation, she was overwhelmed with emotions that she hadn’t felt in years. It brought this fluttery feeling within her, this sensation of happy feelings that took over her day. Enough to where she allowed herself to float along with the feelings all day long. She knew what it was……….she knew she had fallen in love with this man. When they finally had the opportunity to have the discussion, she was prepared. He beat her to the punch, yes this is where it get good, mushy, romantic, magical. They shared their day with each other as she prepared dinner, moved move into the evening and the moment hit, she went to get him a beverage and she turned around and there he was. He took her face in his hands softly, looked deep in her eyes and said “I have fallen in love with you”. She was over joyed with emotions, she looked back at him and smiled and took a deep slow breath and said “I have fallen in love with you too”.

Sharing with each other how they had been feeling for sometime but both being very guarded and cautious about it. As not to scare the other away…. Tip toeing around the subject until the moment, timing was right….

So here is what I know….

If it is meant to happen…….let it…….. don’t what if it.. People come into our lives for a reason, short term, long term whatever the case may be, we encounter people everyday. They are there for a reason….  Embrace it and let it take you were it may and don’t question it. You might find them to be just what you needed and had been searching for the whole time.

 

 

Sometimes you just have to be still…….

Regina Phalange

This can really relate to anything in general. But for this therapy session it’s about a boy and a girl…..

Recently someone shared their be still moment…..about their relationship…….with me.

Online dating……. Yes it starts there.

One day a girl made the first move. Isn’t that what we are suppose to do if we find ourselves doing the on-line dating thing? So this girl came across this boy’s profile. She like his photo and things he likes to do  from his online dating profile. She decided to reach out.. She did not expect him to respond, and low behold he did. Immediately they had an online connection.  They both felt it, most of us have been there, we have at the very least experienced this. So you all know what I am talking about. If not, my gwad get out from under that ROCK so you can experience already.  And so…..  It quickly went to texting. Which some would say don’t jump into texting right away. aaaaaaa why would that be?  It would be like having that great connection with someone you bump into at the market, or a department store, even a coffee shop. If it makes sense to pass on your card, then so be it. So moving the interview along seems to be the next step.

Ok…so…anyrate…………… With in a matter of maybe 30 minutes, it moved right to actual voice conversation. BAM a boy……a girl…….who actually wants to talk on the phone! Yes! With their wondering eyes what did they hear.. Chemistry, a connection, who has time to waste? We are after all not just older.. we are wiser.. At this stage in the game of life, we should have some idea of what in a person makes us tick.  What we like and what we don’t like. So if it feels right, then don’t just put your toes in the water, put the entire foot. And see where the steps take you.  Of course be guarded and cautions and always keep it real..

Time spent with one another a variety of ways. Today’s technology has given us that! Skype, Texting, phone to phone, even more ways to communicate then just being distant with a text.  Respectful effective communication. This people………..is something that we all know doesn’t come around that often. So the idea of exploring it with a matter of this and a matter of that, to throw a spin in it, makes each of these people want to know the other better. They both move to take the next steps.

Their “Be Still” moment came soon after they meeting, and spending time together.  One had to pull away..Not because of the other.  But because LIFE happens and sometimes it’s A LOT of Life in a short period of time. Some can manage it pretty well. Some aren’t sure where to even begin. Some are all over the place about it. So when one of you has to be still in the relationship, and you know it, then do it……Be Still.. Let the Storm, the Tsunami, whatever you want to call Life at that time, just walk through the steps.  We are only Human, and we will make mistakes on how we handle Life and a relationship at the same time. It is after all a Life of itself. One of the two had to pull away… Leaving the other left to practice Being Still!  This isn’t the easiest part of the relationship. Why is that? It’s because we may be the type that wants to help fix it… Remember this, YOU CAN’T!! So stop trying… Just share what you know… Even if someone asks you what you think? Don’t be their therapist…. Just keep what you know, simple… SIMPLE….SIMPLE….

Giving each other a time out was what was needed. Not pushing away, just stepping back and letting the other have their time out. And when it was time, the other knew when to reach out.  When they were able to talk, things were aired out about the happenings in “LIFE”. It was something that just needed to be communicated and listened to. At this stage in the game of Life we should all be much wiser. Take that time out and just “Be Still”.  By doing this they were able to move to the next step in their relationship, an even better understanding where the other is in their game of “LIFE”

So here is what I know….

We all have many lives we live through every single day. Our life with ourselves, our children, our family, our friends, our work, our home, and through all that……..Life………..sometimes it becomes overwhelming and we need to just simply practice the art of Being Still….. When you can do that, you then know you can “Be Still” when LIFE happens…