Month: May 2017

Signs…..

Regina Phalange

Just when you weren’t looking, the sign you needed happens right in front of you.

When we are walking the path of life, there are times that we ask our higher power for a sign. For what ever it is, for what ever it is we are going through. Just a simple sign is all we want. Even better when it does make it’s presences known we recognize it as well. The SIGN we were or were not looking for………. What do we then do with that sign? How then do we take what is going on around us and make sense of it? Especially if we are wise enough to be still about it.

A good friend shared with me about just this subject.. She got a SIGN….a sign she didn’t even ask for. Once it presented itself to her, it hit her like a brick.
She had been seeing someone for a time now, and when it came to having to step aside and allow for the space between. She could have been a typical female, freaked out, blah…..blah……blah… No.. She just looked at it only 2 ways…………..are we still a couple…………………………..are we not still a couple…..  Not to put pressure on her mate. She knew enough to give him the space he needed to sort out some of Life’s happenings. I do believe I have mentioned this before…. Life happens and sometimes a lot of Life for some…………and all at once.  It can be overwhelming to say the least. We have all been there, we have….. We just need to be better at accepting what is right in front of us, allow it to unfold..

And so they were presented with cross roads….Nothing that was going on in each of their lives, had anything to do with their relationship.  It just so happened so much Life was happening all around each of them at once. It was to much for one, and more then enough for the other.  Yet through it all their was an understanding of the let’s take a step back… Let’s have some space to get our lives back on the path that they were walking down together. As hard, challenging, and sad as it was, this is what was needed. (Can I just say here, this is what being adult is all about. Simply not pressuring someone into time with you, when they can’t even figure out time for themselves.  Let alone what Life was happening around them. Be adult to see that, understand that, offer what you can, emotional and mental support,  simply just be there for them. With no pressure.)

To many are to quick to say forget it, they need to get their life in order, they have to much drama…….. People let’s get one thing straight, again I am sure you have read this from me before. Life is not Drama!!!! It’s Life and sometimes when it happens, we can’t focus on anything other then the 10 minutes in front of us.  Stop the judgement already and just simply be supportive…..

What she told him was this, she understood he needed to handle what was going on. That she should be the last on his list, again because what was going on with him has nothing to do with their relationship. She knows this…. And was able to tell him this. She also told him she cares for him, and knows she needs to be still…………………….step aside and let him get through the Life that was happening with him…. And when he was ready to reach out, to please do….. She knows she has to be still and let things play out…… And hope that he will find his way back to her…..

Now with all that…………………..Time has and is passing by… Very little communication has happened between them since they had their conversation… It was left open, no good bye, no let’s take a break, no I am not in the right place in my life, nothing of this was spoken in their conversation…….. Hence the bit of floundering is being felt on her side. Now opportunity is presenting itself to her…. Noise is a better way to put it… But all a sudden it’s like the noise knows she is vulnerable and not sure at all where their relationship is at. Enter the noise.  One bit of noise presented itself so much so, that she wondered if she should just give into temptation, and was this yet another test she was going through?  Just when temptation could have happened, it was interrupted, within minutes…. After temptation and the test was gone, she sat back took a deep breath and knew that was a sign. If she ever could have one presented to her.this was it. She took it as a sign, a sign to continue to be still…… And be OK with it! There is no hurry in anything…. Even though opportunity has knocked at her door a few times…….. The one sign that hit hard, was this sign…………… She may never hear from him again…… If she does she knows she needs to sort her thoughts out… Communicate effectively…………………… That is all she can do.

Here is what I know…

Signs……

Interesting sometimes when that happens in Life………………….Signs……………………Timing……….. If you are wise enough to recognize it, and even wiser when you know to read the sign and let things unfold….. Do just that… Open up your window and let your soul fly free……

 

 

Know when it’s all about timing………………….

Regina Phalange

Sometimes it’s all just that……….it’s about timing…..

Just when we think……………..feel…… and breath normal.. Timing plays a factor.  How do we bypass that?…….Well we don’t………simple as that.
The laws of average seem to bring in storms that effect the timing in our lives.

Experiencing the wonderful world of timing…  It’s not that we expect anything bad to happen………….meaning our world can be smooth………………………..moving forward…………….positive………………good………full…. We still have all that. But enter the storms of LIFE….. Completely unexpected and unfound, but yet sometimes the storms have nothing to do with us.  Though seem to effect us the most. Add other little storms into the mix and ta da, you have  what some would call a shitstorm…… Don’t look at it like that… Maybe look at it like this……. Life happens, and sometimes a lot of life happens at once. Unexpected, which is ok, we have to walk through Life and manage what we can within our control……. Else we live by the laws of average…… Who wants that???

When you engage your life with someone, and are walking down a similar path, sometimes there are so many distractions, that they cloud where your path is. Taking you down a path of despair, confusion….mostly the unknown. This is hard when you are first starting out in a relationship. Especially if one of you is wanting to tell the other what they know……..NO……Not advice, because Regina will tell you NEVER give advice, just share what you know.

So when this happens, and your partner has a storm coming, we start to see how can we tell them what we know. With out it seeming like advice, provide facts, justification of those facts. That’s all you can do, they have to be the one to take those facts and decide if they can use them in their storm. Or at the very least how to see their storm in a different wave. Usually there is one that is stronger of the 2. The one who is stronger of the 2 needs to be sure that their partner understands, that we (the stronger of the 2) understand they have a storm going on. Big…………small…………indifferent……….no matter the size. We need to make sure they understand, we understand.  We are able to be adult enough to step aside, give them time to get through their storm. Even if this means stepping away from what they have built thus far in their relationship.

Sometimes both will have storms at the same time. Yes……………this can be tricky! Those of us who are wise, know this……… no ones storm is worse then the other. It’s just a different.  Being wiser we should be able to recognize that one of them is going through more storms, some quite heavy at times then the other. With that, there should be no judgement. What should be is simply being able to recognize it, and validate it to each other. Giving each other the space between the wicked lives we live is sometimes the most important and best thing you can do for one another.

Weathering the storm.. It could-be worse then you think because the legs on their table might not be stable (Remember this https://and-here-we-are.com/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-yourself/  Remember if you don’t have a good relationship with at least 1 of the 4 legs on your table, you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, you have to have at least 1, at the very least 1).

And why would you pass judgment or find fault in that?  Unless you’re walking exactly in their shoes at that time of their storm you have no idea what they’re going through. It could-be all kinds of storms a tsunami of this………a tornado of that………a flood of those……… it really doesn’t matter because you’re not walking in their shoes.

 If indeed what one says to the other is exactly the storms that is going on in their lives. They don’t want you to see the worst of them. Up to this point they’ve only want you to see the best of them, sharing, exploring, being adventurous with, getting to know each other. But then the storms came in and came in very fast and very rapidly. So with that talking through and understanding what we go through when we go through storms is important in relationships. That’s whats even more important, is that we understand that it has nothing to do with us. If indeed the storms do not revolve around you the person in the relationship with the one going through the storm.
Chemistry…………………….connection………………………..feelings……………………….. that doesn’t happen every single day when you meet somebody. And so if you’re true to that belief and how you had fallen for this person. You will have faith that there storms shall pass. Let them get through the storm. It’s not your storm to take over. And when they get through that storm and things settle and the winds are more breezy then fears.
They will find their way back-to each-other.
The hopeless romantic I dream of A-day where I’m sitting in my yard in my swing at the end of the day. Head set in listening to music having, a cocktail shutting my eyes in just listening to the sounds around me feeling the air. I open my eyes and there they would be… We all want that happy endings However look at it in these terms. I want happy and the in between all the time because then there is no beginning and there is no end it’s always in between

Here is what I know…..

Unexpected storms happen…….All the time…………………………….. It’s how we weather them that gets us through.

And so if we are wise as we should be at this age. Then we as wise adults and humans should know when to step aside allow time and most importantly just be still.

 

Boundaries….

Regina Phalange

When the one we “love” one crosses one…………maybe two…………………………..no how about three boundaries.
What would you do? RUN!!! like Jenny said in Forrest Gump, Run……………………..Forrest…………………..Run!!!

How can someone even consider staying after 3 boundaries are crossed? Trust is completely lost…………… Why stay?
In my network of the who’s who.. One shared their most recent story of a major boundary crossing in her/his  relationship.

In the beginning of a relationship there are a lot of factors to seek into and ponder about.  Privacy should be one of them, it should be in the top 5 for sure…………….and a respect for it!  When the relationship began it of course was something like rainbows and unicorns.  We who are wise know that initial start aka the Honeymoon stage in the relationship……. Those of us who are wise, know… it doesn’t’ last…..and it’s our jobs in the relationship to seek, always seek that honeymoon feeling… We won’t get into that now.. Maybe another time……….At any rate……..Neither really knew just where everything was going, where things might be at………..Do we make a commitment?….. Do we not?…… In this stage, there is ZERO commitment, and if an opportunity knocks on the door, you should let it in. With ZERO guilt behind it!!! Because there is no commitment yet……

With that being said, this person did reach out to another, but only as a conversation opportunity. Nothing physical, because it was something familiar from their past,  then why not at the very least just have the conversation. In the long run with this conversation, they knew it would never work, the distance was more then the relationship could muster. No harm, no foul….

Yet someone crossed a boundary! Let’s see things to NEVER DO in the beginning stages of a relationship…….Especially when it is literally just beginning. NEVER look through someones phone…NEVER look through someones mail…..NEVER look through someones pocket book aka purse, or wallet. NEVER…..step in as the parent right out of the gate……NEVER……..These are simple……simple rules of engagement in the beginning stages of whatever the relationship is.  SIMPLE!!!!!

Nope someone crossed one these boundaries, not once……not twice……3 TIMES!!! Are you kidding me! The 1st time, shame on them!!! the 2nd and 3rd time, SHAME…SHAME on them. The first boundary was crossed so early on into the relationship, this should have been this persons first clue!  But to let it happen 2 more times. YEA RUN…………….FORREST………………….RUN……………………

The person who crossed that boundaries excuse was a trust issue, aaaa then flipping have a conversation about it..,…. Nope instead how about we just cross that boundary.  And now this is where the back peddling begins. With the I”m so sorry, I  know it was wrong. I know have trust issues, I need maybe to talk with someone. Please forgive me. blah…..blah…..blah….and did I mention blah????????????? Seriously!!!!!!!!!!!!  The crazy part…is that this friend is considering their appeal………….Seriously!  If they cross the boundaries once, twice, three times, they’ll continue to do so!!!!!! This is what some might call a non-trusting-selfish-narcissist….

However for the other to buy into their I’m sorry’s, I’ll do better, It won’t happen again BS………… Well it’s just sad……..  Missing potentially an amazing opportunity for something magical in the future because it’s the environment that you have lived with for the better part of 20 years. WOW I feel actually sad for them.  They don’t see the possible potential that is out there…. They are so stuck in their past, that this behavior is ok…..it’s all they know!

Well here is what I  know………………
When someone, anyone crosses a boundary…………..RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We all know them, we all know what’s right, we all know what’s wrong, we all have our priorities, and we know what they are!!!! Why deviate from them?

Be mindful of what you have in your heart and listen to your HEAD!!!!!! Stop What IF-ING it!!!