Author: Regina Phalange

Interesting Hallmark…

Regina Phalange

Don’t you feel sometimes you are living and breathing a Hallmark movie? ……….Come on….. you know you have at one time or another. Being the worst Hallmark Movie ever. Yet you got through it.

A few friends of mine shared their Hallmarks with me. A couple of them single, a couple of them married…………both being in very different places in their lives as far as relationships……….wanting one……..and/or……… staying as far away as possible from it as the other could. And another friends relationship is on steady waters……….
Both in need of education of needs and wants………
Leaving dismay, questions, life, love in a little bit of a storm AKA
Their Season and Reason.

None of this is rocket science my friends. It’s simple words of expression, you know Communication….effective Communication!

Being single myself I completely understand all of this! Being in these seasons in my life and trying to figure out what to do. Will it make sense if I do it this way, or better that way? What if there is judgement? Will others think it’s drama? With all this turmoil of thought………….why would anyone want such a Hallmark? Why……..because we are human, we are meant to be with someone. It’s really OK to admit this. It’s best to actually communicate this concept. The challenge here, is the one you want to communicate with, are they open to it? Most are not, for fear of hearing the honest truth. Most just can’t handle the truth because it means looking in the mirror. Finding themselves in a space of their life they might not be to pleased with and have never figured out how to manage it….so it’s less painful.

The downside is most just don’t know how to/or understand how to communicate effectively. They’ve most likely never been given such an opportunity………………their shining moment to do just that………..effectively communicate!
So they judge….they question…..they aren’t honest……….open………….or even true to themselves. Those individuals are those who loose themselves in a cloud running in circles only seeing the same result. Because they are challenged with changing this cycle…………………….they will continue to run in the same circles only seeing the same results………..

Here is what I know…..
Communication is KEY in any and all relationships. Stop thinking otherwise. Even if it hurts you, angers you, makes you want to pull the hair out of your head or gives you great feelings of joy, laughter, love….. It is the key to magic that lies ahead. You just have to try……and try again……..and maybe some more…..

Just try……. You’ll feel better knowing that you did. Maybe not right off the bat…….but you will.

Hello 2019…What ya got in store?

Regina Phalange

Here we are a new year is upon us again. Did you make a resolution? Will you follow it…….and……..for how long?

I did make a resolution this year, to continue to remember that someones opinion about me is none of my business. There isn’t a thing I can do about it. I’m not walking in their shoes, and they aren’t walking in mine. As long as their is respect, you can expect nothing and appreciate everything.

Here is what I know…….
Be the best you can be! It’s all you can do!

Is 80% right?

Regina Phalange

I recently had a conversation with one of my guy friends at the gym. Matt’s perspective on dating is interesting. He has shared a few of his stories in the world of dating from his point of view. He’s a lay it out as he sees it kinda of guy. To concerned once upon a time ago what others thought about him, trying to impress women only to discover, he wasn’t impressed. He was to a point in his life with dating that he was just over it. To many games, to many not confident enough in themselves. To many full of drama, to many who didn’t have goals. Just to many that shouldn’t be out there dating, until they fixed themselves. That’s when Matt decided to just that for himself. He focused more on himself first, not his kids. He discovered the only way he could be good for his his kids, was to be good to himself first. He had to be the priority, not his kids. Once he found acceptance with himself and felt himself change in a way that was comfortable for him, he liked who he discovered. Truly a better him

He has since found love again and is engaged. He tells me 80% of men don’t approach women. We are to scared, nervous, get anxiety about it, are afraid of rejection, don’t want to show their vulnerability. What ever that is, 80% of men just don’t approach women. Interesting perspective, so at least there is 20% who do approach women, right? Of course, those men who are confident, what % of them are real? Not just full of themselves. I suppose we could put women into this category, however what would the % be? Today women are more straight forward. The % may be different…….just a bit. Regardless this leaves me in wonder, will those who are single, remain single because of this?

Here is what I know………

If you want to approach someone, just do it. After all…………………………….. their opinion about you is none of your business.

Again?

Regina Phalange

Why is it when we think we have truly let go, we find ourselves there again? What is it about the subject that draws us back in? Wanting and needing to let something/someone go isn’t as easy as one may think it is.
If it resurfaces it’s like a sign to revisit the situation. Or is it?

A friend shared with me recently finding themselves thinking, wanting, and needing, someone from their past. They had let this person go a long time ago. However found themselves thinking about this person all the time. When they reached out, the person wasn’t always receptive. Which should have been sign #1, if someone is interested in you, they will show it, they will respond to you, they will make what’s called an effort.

They would often get together do things, hang out, but nothing more then that. Knowing this persons past my friend knew they just weren’t in the same space. Sign #2 they were working through their storms. When someone has storms happening in their season, we need to let those work through the storms. How would they be good for anyone? aaaaaa……they can’t be, if you are not good for yourself, how can you be good for anyone?

Sign #3 stop thinking just because you hear the persons name it’s a sign, just because you find yourself in a scenario like one you might have been in with someone, it’s not a sign to reach out. Life has chapters, we have read and go through each chapter in order for us to get to the end of the book to start the next.

Here is what I know…….
Expect nothing, appreciate everything.

The past….The present…..The Future

Regina Phalange

The past, the present, the future…….. It’s like a revolving door, they all come back around. What we thought was in our past, presents it’s self again and presses us think about the future.  Recently someone shared a story with me about just this. She felt/feels she is between a rock and a hard place. She most definitely knows she has to let the past go, and just live in the present and let the future happen. As hard as it was, she knew if he really wanted to be there after all this time, he would maybe find a way. Maybe they will cross paths yet once again. I mean in the 5 years they  knew of each other, timing got in their way, each time their paths crossed something was in the way. Yet this last time is different, very different. All she can do is let it play out, being mindful of pressure, pushing, being sensitive to the situation. Just let it play out.

Here is what I know…….

Sometimes we just have to let things go and be OK with that. We just have to wait and see what the path offers.  Even if it means loosing what was, what is and what could be. We just can’t wait around, for someone, anyone. Time is the best gift we can give ourselves and anyone. So we have to keep moving on into our days and embrace what life has presented to us.

Vulnerable intentions…….

Regina Phalange

Being single….. aaaa the ups and the downs of it.

Do we care? Do we not care? Why should we bother?

Some like to be single. Some don’t.

It comes down to timing in our lives and what we want to make of it at that time. If we want to have someone be a part of that time. Only thing is, both men and women aren’t always forth right with what they need and what they want.

Those who are single, who put themselves out there, well they have an agenda of sorts.  They are ready to get involved and share their time with someone. They want to learn about them, to get to know them. They are emotionally available, they are ready.

Then there are those who say they are ready, and truly are just out to play a game. For their own benefit. They want to explore all the singleness around them. Play games with other people’s emotions. With no regard to that persons feelings what so ever. Leaving this person hurt, having their vulnerability stepped on. Making them more guarded, more cautious, more bitter.

Here is what I know….

If you are single and are looking for more, be honest, it’s OK to put yourself out there. It’s OK to be cautious and guarded. Allow yourself all that comes with it.

If you are single and are only looking for fun, be honest! Stop wasting people’s time, stop hurting someones vulnerability. It’s just not OK.

Much the same…….

Regina Phalange

Sure feels like it.  Except one area, being stronger about “Much the same”…….. When we hope for something for so long…. And it takes just as long to get there. You find when it presents itself to you……It’s really “Much the same”……… No fault of our own. Simply it’s what we feel, need, want and have to have. Yet if it’s still “Much the same”. Why would want to put ourselves through it again??????????

People, relationships, being honest, being real, sharing our truths, lying, putting on a good show, playing a game…………How is it we find much the same?  We can’t fault someone for being honest, we can’t fault someone who can open up and share.  Do we fault someone for lying, putting on a good show, playing a game, NO… We call them out on it, we make sure they know how it makes us feel. Their actions in this area, shows who they really are. Do we want that type in our lives? No….

Here is what I know…………..

Our time is worth more, our self worth is our credibility, when someone steps on that, it brings us down to their level. STOP doing that! Let them go……. Even through the power of Wisdom, we fall short, but sensibility will catch up, and you will know…  You are worth it!

Damned if we do, Damned if we don’t….

Regina Phalange

Why is it when we step into it again (dating, seeking a partner), we are damned if we do, and damned if we don’t? We find ourselves riddled with curiosity of where someone’s mind set is. We want what we want, we feel what we need, we know what’s important to ourselves. Life is challenging enough, let alone seeking our mate…….partner in crime……..our special someone, love….. Why is this such a challenge?

It comes right down to timing… As we grow into our age’s we tend to settle into what we know, our routine, our habits, the what we know of our  lives. For those who have been single get into this, and when someone we are interested in steps into the light. We try and see how we can make their routine, their habits, their what they know’s work with ours. Not as easy as one would think. Sure we should give, take, and of course that wonderful word called compromise. That word that life is really all about, in order for us to make sense of our surroundings, we have to  find that compromise, so life isn’t full of drama.

What is frustrating mostly at times about all this is when we cross paths with someone that we feel is our match. We start to try them on.  Understanding where they are coming from. So we ask questions, we ponder many things about them, but not as to be needy, stalker like, or a crazy person. Simply we want to know them. We find in discovery of it all that 1 thing may, or may not hold them back. Yet if this 1 thing holds them back from moving forward, were they really in it to win it? Even though they share, they find time for you, they show action. There is the chemistry, there is the connection, there is the possibly of more…Yet this 1 thing makes them decide they just can’t be a part of your like mindedness. they shut the door. Yet this 1 thing that the other is willing to discuss, talk about, find compromise in, but the other is sound on their decision. What do we do, reach out, find hope, let go?

Here is what I know…,

Keep putting yourself out there, YOU are worth it…. They may or may not come back..If they don’t you know it wasn’t meant to be.

If they do, you have to simply be still. You have to hear them, they have to hear you, and both needs to listen with their heart.

And perhaps things will be more clear.

 

Every little thing, is gonna be alright….

Regina Phalange

So it’s been awhile I know.

Where have I been, you ask?

Simply managing life…

Just when you least expect it, a lot of LIFE happens….  And takes you away from this, that and the other.

Don’t worry though.

Here is what I know….

Stay on the steady path, follow the rules, bring it to zero, feel the force and run the course. Everything little thing is going to be alright!

Letting go…….Holding on……Letting go…….Holding on………

Regina Phalange

Neither are easy……….When it comes to that someone……..

Over the past many months my girlfriend thought she had moved on……gotten over him. Who was she kidding?
She hadn’t see him in months, a few text messages here and there. One day she found herself sitting 2 seats away from him at the movies without her knowing this. After the show she discovered he was there. They chatted a little parted ways, she found herself sending him a message to meet to chat. He had given her the yes let’s try message. Only not hear from him……

One day she decided she need to let go….. So since he wasn’t giving her an opportunity to just have a face to face conversation. She simply wanted to tell him what was never said, what she needed to share with him. When they last saw each other, there was no closure, nothing. He had too much life going on he just couldn’t manage anything, or anyone else. She knew this was ok, she wasn’t going to stalk him, she wasn’t going to chase, and she knew she had to let him go… He had to go and manage his life…. Fast forward months later she was given an opportunity to finally tell him everything she needed to tell him.

When they finally met, she told him she knew why he needed to do what he needed to do. Even though she knew he didn’t mean to break her heart. He did that, he broke her heart. She needed him to know this, she needed him to know she knew it wasn’t intentional. She just needed him to know what she had been through. She needed him to know that when she saw him at the movies she knew she was still in love with him. As nervous as she was, the minute she expressed all of what she felt and needed to say. It was as though she opened her window and her soul flew free. She claims it was an amazing feeling…

Where are they now….. All they know is everything is out on the table. She knows his playing field, he knows hers. All that can be done at this point, is to let the wind take them to their next cloud…..

Here is what I know………..

Being able to tell the one you love exactly what is on your mind, even though you may not be together, gives you more control over your emotions, feelings and heart. Stay cautious and guarded………..Our hearts are tender…
Protect it, play it safe, keep it real! Always!