Author: Regina Phalange

Complete Expression…..

Regina Phalange

When we can do this, share complete expression……….One can actually experience that moment. Where you open your eyes…………..you take a deep breath, and you feel the smile come across your face, your mind and your heart.
It comes on many levels.

I experienced this over the past handful of weeks. Found myself ensconced with being able to have “Complete Expression” with those from my past. Most important I was then able to walk away and not look back. Maybe it was their conscious finally getting to them. Perhaps they just needed to find their own “Complete Expression”. Mostly they gave me the opportunity to have my own “Complete Expression”. What is most important is that I was able to let so much go! Walk away and be completely ok. It was a pretty amazing feeling. These people know they deserved to hear everything that was needed to be said. I suppose my hope is that they hear what they said, and that they listened to what I had to Completely Express what was on my mind, in my heart and what needed to be said…. Complete Expression!

Here is what I know……

Nothing more gratifying then being able to tell someone what is riddling in your mind, expressing your emotional and vulnerable side.

Knowing you’ve said all you needed to say, “Complete Expression.”

 

Games….Life…….

Regina Phalange

It’s interesting to stop and think about the games people can play and will play.

Not once stopping to think of who they’re hurting, who they’re disappointing, who they’re letting down. When one plays the vulnerability game on someone it becomes a challenge. With no regards to the pawn you are playing with. It is truly sad that people feel that this type of behavior is okay. Why are we all in the bitter barn?????…..It’s because of these games that others play upon each other. Thinking that it’s OK……Imagine if you could what it’s be like to the ensconced with someone who’s on the same page.  Not taking advantage of your vulnerability or judging your sincerity on how you’re handling being real and honest.
A good friend of mine found this game being played in her most recent past. She found herself falling for someone but didn’t want feelings to be involved and thought the physical side of it would be all she would want. He was very much the same way. That is what he told her anyway. Over the course of many months he distances himself but still put the carrot out for her to nibble on. Playing with her vulnerability being upset with her because well he wasn’t asking her out and other people were. Which in his eyes was wrong because he had told her how he felt. But had no action behind it. She cast her feelings aside as best ahw could however her vulnerability still opened up and he took advantage of that.
She discovered he was probably sharing the same feelings about how he felt with other women. And when approached he of course tried to twist and turn the scenario on her. Attempting her to feel the wrong doing was on her, and not on him, he was/is playing with her emotions, her vulnerability. Finally she had enough, especially when she discovered he had been misleading her for months on end.  So when he reached out she took a stance! The difference this time is that she isn’t allowing him to take her vulnerability. Playing with it the way he sees fit on how the game should come out in the long run and that’s really to benefit him. And on his time and what he wants.
Unfortunately for him karma karma karma doesn’t like it when you don’t follow the rules.  Be careful  here people.. Karma will find you…..
 I won’t get into the karma piece because I’m sure we as adults can read into that. We know it does come back to bite you, haunt you. There are no shortcuts in life. Some of us just figure things out sooner than others , so if you want to call that a shortcut sure………….. And so what she is left with is a stronger wall of being guarded, cautious with everybody around her. Why is she so harsh with circumstances and bitter with others. With that wall solid as a rock in the wonderful world of dating?
Unfortunately I don’t have the answer…..
But here is what I know………. if we are going to look at dating like a board game then maybe people should play games by the rules and be respectful of how those rules are played.  Know that there are consequences that will come with the wrong move……. know that no matter whether you win or lose everybody is a winner if the game is played right….

2018 Live the best life you know how!

Regina Phalange

As the old year came to an end, and the new year flows into traffic, how ya doing so far?

Sometimes just when we think we are ok………yea we aren’t. Back into old habits, chasing something that doesn’t make sense, hoping for change… The question to ask yourself is this, did you live the best life you could this past year? Honestly did you? Most can say they did not, some can say they tried, which means what? We took the wrong fork in the road. The path we thought made the most sense really turned out to be more not worth the effort. Or it just wasn’t as we had thought, or dreamed it could be.

Here is what I know……

Live the best life you know how. Even for that moment, take it one step, one minute, one day, at a time. Nothing in life comes easy, most likely you’ll hit many walls. Don’t let that keep you from trying again, and again, and again.

Live the best life you know how. Only you can!

In the moment…..

Regina Phalange

When something amazing happens, we share… It’s human nature to do so.

A friend shared with me their amazing moment…..

When we work, what do we work for? Who do we work for? Why do we work?

Most of us have the daily routine of our jobs. Most complain, most judge others within their work place.  Most point fingers, and really they are only pointing fingers back at themselves. Why not instead embrace what you do, find the amazing in it.

After days, weeks, months, years, of working smart, finding the amazing in it was the surreal moment, the real game changer in their career, (at least this is how they feel). All a sudden people are paying attention, wanting a piece of what is offered by them.  Being able to use their voice, and use it as a voice for others in a way that is simple. Effectively communicating the drive, the vision, the value,, the mission of the work message.  Most importantly it being heard, on many different platforms is where the “Amazing” moment came from.

Indeed their mission had been talked about and expressed in many different ways.  Yet just most recently it became apparent the mission, the message started becoming more clear to those who opened their eyes, their ears and their hearts. Better understanding that this wasn’t about one person making a difference, it was about the many hands, and voices behind them.

When their plan comes together, all the pieces to the puzzle start to form something magical. Receiving phone calls from people that could change things in their business. Meeting owners of organizations that can help their platform, support from all around. It comes in droves at times, slow one minute, and fast paced the next. It’s all like a chess game, knowing when to make the right move, seeing all the scenarios playing out before it happens, can be the challenge. What makes it all refreshing though is the belief they have within themselves to be heard for others who aren’t able to use their voice to be heard.

All the smart work starting showing signs of paying off.

Here is what I know….

Take a moment to seek your amazing……..in work……….in life………..in love……..in your surroundings.

Embrace the simple……

 

 

 

 

The heart knows what it wants……

Regina Phalange

Even when we think we know what we want.

It’s really what our heart is telling us….what we want….

After being away from someone for some time, in hopes to get over them, they are still on your mind. When you drift off to sleep, when you wake up, when you hear their name, when something happens around you that reminds you of them. That’s the heart…..It knows what it wants and what you need.

But just jumping back into it, thinking maybe that person feels the same way without any notion what they are really feeling. Could mean happiness, love, a connection, disappointment, hurt, sadness, a whole slue of emotions that you thought you had control of. Well you might, and you might not. People come and go in our lives, some leave a lasting impression that is hard to let go of. Even when we know it’s the best thing we should do for ourselves. So we keep these emotions in check and make sure not to do something like send an oopsss text, or a butt dial, or re-reading old text messages, in hopes to maybe hold on to something that is no longer there.

Listen if it was meant to be, then it was meant to be. It’s really all about timing….

Delete those old text message,s even the photos, anything to help you just get over them, and be able to feel as though you are at the very least moving on.  By not having these things to go back to, will help, it will. It’s a liberating feeling to do this and know you have some control over that piece of the letting go.  Now with that being said we all know they come back. Some take longer then others to come back. But at some level they all come back. With that being said, don’t hold out to much hope though. Why waist your time? You have an amazing LIFE to Live, so go do it! Don’t wait around.  If they do come back, think long and hard, why they left or why you let them go. And ask yourself this, are they worth the effort to give them time to share with you what they want now? Only you will know.

Here is what I know……

Live your life! Don’t wait around for anyone… You are the only person you have to answer to. You are the one looking at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day. Don’t let the past dictate how you are feeling today. Get over it already! Or at the very least, attempt to meet new people and rediscover yourself. You might be surprised what you find! The you, that has always been there!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She always finds a way to surprise me….

Regina Phalange

I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!!!!

It’s been sometime since Regina has had some words of wisdom and what she knows…  When you least expect it……

Discovery!!!

I found her (my daughter SMR) message on a blank canvas…

This makes my heart smile…. This makes me happy.

I asked her when she did this and asked her why… She told me, you left your computer open, after your last blog, a while ago. And I wanted to let you know..

I love you………..

Here is what I know….

Always know even though parents are everywhere in their children s’ lives. They are right there with us. Always!

I LOVE YOU TOO SMR!!!!!!!

 

Signs…..

Regina Phalange

Just when you weren’t looking, the sign you needed happens right in front of you.

When we are walking the path of life, there are times that we ask our higher power for a sign. For what ever it is, for what ever it is we are going through. Just a simple sign is all we want. Even better when it does make it’s presences known we recognize it as well. The SIGN we were or were not looking for………. What do we then do with that sign? How then do we take what is going on around us and make sense of it? Especially if we are wise enough to be still about it.

A good friend shared with me about just this subject.. She got a SIGN….a sign she didn’t even ask for. Once it presented itself to her, it hit her like a brick.
She had been seeing someone for a time now, and when it came to having to step aside and allow for the space between. She could have been a typical female, freaked out, blah…..blah……blah… No.. She just looked at it only 2 ways…………..are we still a couple…………………………..are we not still a couple…..  Not to put pressure on her mate. She knew enough to give him the space he needed to sort out some of Life’s happenings. I do believe I have mentioned this before…. Life happens and sometimes a lot of Life for some…………and all at once.  It can be overwhelming to say the least. We have all been there, we have….. We just need to be better at accepting what is right in front of us, allow it to unfold..

And so they were presented with cross roads….Nothing that was going on in each of their lives, had anything to do with their relationship.  It just so happened so much Life was happening all around each of them at once. It was to much for one, and more then enough for the other.  Yet through it all their was an understanding of the let’s take a step back… Let’s have some space to get our lives back on the path that they were walking down together. As hard, challenging, and sad as it was, this is what was needed. (Can I just say here, this is what being adult is all about. Simply not pressuring someone into time with you, when they can’t even figure out time for themselves.  Let alone what Life was happening around them. Be adult to see that, understand that, offer what you can, emotional and mental support,  simply just be there for them. With no pressure.)

To many are to quick to say forget it, they need to get their life in order, they have to much drama…….. People let’s get one thing straight, again I am sure you have read this from me before. Life is not Drama!!!! It’s Life and sometimes when it happens, we can’t focus on anything other then the 10 minutes in front of us.  Stop the judgement already and just simply be supportive…..

What she told him was this, she understood he needed to handle what was going on. That she should be the last on his list, again because what was going on with him has nothing to do with their relationship. She knows this…. And was able to tell him this. She also told him she cares for him, and knows she needs to be still…………………….step aside and let him get through the Life that was happening with him…. And when he was ready to reach out, to please do….. She knows she has to be still and let things play out…… And hope that he will find his way back to her…..

Now with all that…………………..Time has and is passing by… Very little communication has happened between them since they had their conversation… It was left open, no good bye, no let’s take a break, no I am not in the right place in my life, nothing of this was spoken in their conversation…….. Hence the bit of floundering is being felt on her side. Now opportunity is presenting itself to her…. Noise is a better way to put it… But all a sudden it’s like the noise knows she is vulnerable and not sure at all where their relationship is at. Enter the noise.  One bit of noise presented itself so much so, that she wondered if she should just give into temptation, and was this yet another test she was going through?  Just when temptation could have happened, it was interrupted, within minutes…. After temptation and the test was gone, she sat back took a deep breath and knew that was a sign. If she ever could have one presented to her.this was it. She took it as a sign, a sign to continue to be still…… And be OK with it! There is no hurry in anything…. Even though opportunity has knocked at her door a few times…….. The one sign that hit hard, was this sign…………… She may never hear from him again…… If she does she knows she needs to sort her thoughts out… Communicate effectively…………………… That is all she can do.

Here is what I know…

Signs……

Interesting sometimes when that happens in Life………………….Signs……………………Timing……….. If you are wise enough to recognize it, and even wiser when you know to read the sign and let things unfold….. Do just that… Open up your window and let your soul fly free……

 

 

Know when it’s all about timing………………….

Regina Phalange

Sometimes it’s all just that……….it’s about timing…..

Just when we think……………..feel…… and breath normal.. Timing plays a factor.  How do we bypass that?…….Well we don’t………simple as that.
The laws of average seem to bring in storms that effect the timing in our lives.

Experiencing the wonderful world of timing…  It’s not that we expect anything bad to happen………….meaning our world can be smooth………………………..moving forward…………….positive………………good………full…. We still have all that. But enter the storms of LIFE….. Completely unexpected and unfound, but yet sometimes the storms have nothing to do with us.  Though seem to effect us the most. Add other little storms into the mix and ta da, you have  what some would call a shitstorm…… Don’t look at it like that… Maybe look at it like this……. Life happens, and sometimes a lot of life happens at once. Unexpected, which is ok, we have to walk through Life and manage what we can within our control……. Else we live by the laws of average…… Who wants that???

When you engage your life with someone, and are walking down a similar path, sometimes there are so many distractions, that they cloud where your path is. Taking you down a path of despair, confusion….mostly the unknown. This is hard when you are first starting out in a relationship. Especially if one of you is wanting to tell the other what they know……..NO……Not advice, because Regina will tell you NEVER give advice, just share what you know.

So when this happens, and your partner has a storm coming, we start to see how can we tell them what we know. With out it seeming like advice, provide facts, justification of those facts. That’s all you can do, they have to be the one to take those facts and decide if they can use them in their storm. Or at the very least how to see their storm in a different wave. Usually there is one that is stronger of the 2. The one who is stronger of the 2 needs to be sure that their partner understands, that we (the stronger of the 2) understand they have a storm going on. Big…………small…………indifferent……….no matter the size. We need to make sure they understand, we understand.  We are able to be adult enough to step aside, give them time to get through their storm. Even if this means stepping away from what they have built thus far in their relationship.

Sometimes both will have storms at the same time. Yes……………this can be tricky! Those of us who are wise, know this……… no ones storm is worse then the other. It’s just a different.  Being wiser we should be able to recognize that one of them is going through more storms, some quite heavy at times then the other. With that, there should be no judgement. What should be is simply being able to recognize it, and validate it to each other. Giving each other the space between the wicked lives we live is sometimes the most important and best thing you can do for one another.

Weathering the storm.. It could-be worse then you think because the legs on their table might not be stable (Remember this https://and-here-we-are.com/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-yourself/  Remember if you don’t have a good relationship with at least 1 of the 4 legs on your table, you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, you have to have at least 1, at the very least 1).

And why would you pass judgment or find fault in that?  Unless you’re walking exactly in their shoes at that time of their storm you have no idea what they’re going through. It could-be all kinds of storms a tsunami of this………a tornado of that………a flood of those……… it really doesn’t matter because you’re not walking in their shoes.

 If indeed what one says to the other is exactly the storms that is going on in their lives. They don’t want you to see the worst of them. Up to this point they’ve only want you to see the best of them, sharing, exploring, being adventurous with, getting to know each other. But then the storms came in and came in very fast and very rapidly. So with that talking through and understanding what we go through when we go through storms is important in relationships. That’s whats even more important, is that we understand that it has nothing to do with us. If indeed the storms do not revolve around you the person in the relationship with the one going through the storm.
Chemistry…………………….connection………………………..feelings……………………….. that doesn’t happen every single day when you meet somebody. And so if you’re true to that belief and how you had fallen for this person. You will have faith that there storms shall pass. Let them get through the storm. It’s not your storm to take over. And when they get through that storm and things settle and the winds are more breezy then fears.
They will find their way back-to each-other.
The hopeless romantic I dream of A-day where I’m sitting in my yard in my swing at the end of the day. Head set in listening to music having, a cocktail shutting my eyes in just listening to the sounds around me feeling the air. I open my eyes and there they would be… We all want that happy endings However look at it in these terms. I want happy and the in between all the time because then there is no beginning and there is no end it’s always in between

Here is what I know…..

Unexpected storms happen…….All the time…………………………….. It’s how we weather them that gets us through.

And so if we are wise as we should be at this age. Then we as wise adults and humans should know when to step aside allow time and most importantly just be still.

 

Boundaries….

Regina Phalange

When the one we “love” one crosses one…………maybe two…………………………..no how about three boundaries.
What would you do? RUN!!! like Jenny said in Forrest Gump, Run……………………..Forrest…………………..Run!!!

How can someone even consider staying after 3 boundaries are crossed? Trust is completely lost…………… Why stay?
In my network of the who’s who.. One shared their most recent story of a major boundary crossing in her/his  relationship.

In the beginning of a relationship there are a lot of factors to seek into and ponder about.  Privacy should be one of them, it should be in the top 5 for sure…………….and a respect for it!  When the relationship began it of course was something like rainbows and unicorns.  We who are wise know that initial start aka the Honeymoon stage in the relationship……. Those of us who are wise, know… it doesn’t’ last…..and it’s our jobs in the relationship to seek, always seek that honeymoon feeling… We won’t get into that now.. Maybe another time……….At any rate……..Neither really knew just where everything was going, where things might be at………..Do we make a commitment?….. Do we not?…… In this stage, there is ZERO commitment, and if an opportunity knocks on the door, you should let it in. With ZERO guilt behind it!!! Because there is no commitment yet……

With that being said, this person did reach out to another, but only as a conversation opportunity. Nothing physical, because it was something familiar from their past,  then why not at the very least just have the conversation. In the long run with this conversation, they knew it would never work, the distance was more then the relationship could muster. No harm, no foul….

Yet someone crossed a boundary! Let’s see things to NEVER DO in the beginning stages of a relationship…….Especially when it is literally just beginning. NEVER look through someones phone…NEVER look through someones mail…..NEVER look through someones pocket book aka purse, or wallet. NEVER…..step in as the parent right out of the gate……NEVER……..These are simple……simple rules of engagement in the beginning stages of whatever the relationship is.  SIMPLE!!!!!

Nope someone crossed one these boundaries, not once……not twice……3 TIMES!!! Are you kidding me! The 1st time, shame on them!!! the 2nd and 3rd time, SHAME…SHAME on them. The first boundary was crossed so early on into the relationship, this should have been this persons first clue!  But to let it happen 2 more times. YEA RUN…………….FORREST………………….RUN……………………

The person who crossed that boundaries excuse was a trust issue, aaaa then flipping have a conversation about it..,…. Nope instead how about we just cross that boundary.  And now this is where the back peddling begins. With the I”m so sorry, I  know it was wrong. I know have trust issues, I need maybe to talk with someone. Please forgive me. blah…..blah…..blah….and did I mention blah????????????? Seriously!!!!!!!!!!!!  The crazy part…is that this friend is considering their appeal………….Seriously!  If they cross the boundaries once, twice, three times, they’ll continue to do so!!!!!! This is what some might call a non-trusting-selfish-narcissist….

However for the other to buy into their I’m sorry’s, I’ll do better, It won’t happen again BS………… Well it’s just sad……..  Missing potentially an amazing opportunity for something magical in the future because it’s the environment that you have lived with for the better part of 20 years. WOW I feel actually sad for them.  They don’t see the possible potential that is out there…. They are so stuck in their past, that this behavior is ok…..it’s all they know!

Well here is what I  know………………
When someone, anyone crosses a boundary…………..RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We all know them, we all know what’s right, we all know what’s wrong, we all have our priorities, and we know what they are!!!! Why deviate from them?

Be mindful of what you have in your heart and listen to your HEAD!!!!!! Stop What IF-ING it!!!