Author: Regina Phalange

Taking a risk….

Regina Phalange

When we fall for someone it comes with the risk that it might not be what we had hoped it to be.

Over the weekend a friend shared some of her heartbreak with me….. Confusion is on the tip of her brain due to it.

Let me share…

She’s never been more confused on the subject then she is now…..Men…. They want you, they court you, they woo you, say all the right things only to be told they don’t feel it’s working.. WHY? Most likely shit got to REAL and the moment it did, he was gone… Instead of sharing these feelings and working on them together as partners. Does this paint a picture that this person really didn’t want a partnership to begin with?

She poses the question:? How is it that when a man tries so hard to get the girl he wants (months of trying) he BAM with a snap of the fingers after he finally gets her, he bails…….????? She is heart broken.. Who wouldn’t be….. What she does know is that she feels the possibility that someone even greater will seek her out.  Good for her!!!

What impresses me is she will always be grateful for the experience and knowledge she got from being with him. She knows she will always miss him to some degree, and she is OK, she is after all human..

When we fall so hard even when we didn’t want. The risk of heartbreak is right there….It’s a death of something, that something that we hoped was going to be our amazing. It’s the risk we as strong humans are willing to take. Why do we, well because we can. Never say can’t because we always can! Just try. Men and women are creatures of habit.When we attempt to try…… when it comes to love, lust, passion, amazing and feeling…. Well most of us are really truly scared. It means they are letting their guard down, not being as cautious, they are opening up to the idea of something awesome. Yet when this happens, bam that person is gone.  WHY??? Most likely to come back and realize they should have just asked/said simple questions and/or suggestions.  Then it’s a matter of do we take them back, give them a second chance, after all don’t well deserve that second chance? Even if in deed they ran because they felt something better was going to come along. YES I say this because sometimes we need to make these dumb mistakes to realize what we had was quite possibly our amazing…

Men are simple… Very simple…. They are fearful that women don’t get that. When in reality we get it more then they know.  They just have to ask, they just have to let us know. And we as women need to LISTEN, not hear what he is saying, sharing, expressing, but LISTEN!!! Pay attention!!!!!

So here is what I know……

Power through, continue to be hopeful, to live patience, not just practice it, live it… Good things do come to those who know it’s there.

 

Practicing patience is one thing, however living patience is another.

Regina Phalange

When I think about practicing patience, I can’t help but know I am not very good at it……
Or I am?
I might be better at it in a different light.
Maybe I live patience more then I practice it.
There is a connection of the two. But in a different light.
When we put our minds to something, focus on it, visualize it, feel it, understand it……………………..we are living patience.

Here is what I know…

In the past oh I’ll say almost 3 years, I lived patience. In more ways then one. Yet not really thinking about it in those terms.

Living through life……. no……. not drama, Life… Yes living through it, and all that came with it.  Was brought to my own attention today during a pretty significant and most likely one of the most important meetings of my career. I knew that taking the next steps are so critical and I have to be patient about it.  Yet after this meeting, what I realized was I have been living patience through the process’s.  Just looked at it as powering through really. Making the choices that I made that make the most sense all around.

Always knowing I needed to focus on it, visualize it, feel it, understand it, live it, live patience..

 

 

Foolish thinking……Do we fool ourselves?

Regina Phalange

Into hoping it’s more then what it is? Perhaps we do  just that. Fool ourselves into thinking something is more then what it really is. Why do we do this? Could it be simply it’s what our heart wants, and we can’t help but hope the other is sensing, feeling the exact same way? Could it be that we are to fearful of the outcome if we do come right out and ask…. Is this more to this then what is on the surface? Could it be that we finally want, not that we need it, but want something more and are unsure how to approach the subject with said other?

In whatever type of relationship you are having, it’s really important to keep it real, keep it real, and keep it real! So why are we afraid to share, ask and expect a simple real answer? Unfortunately in this day and age it’s a number of reasons. You have a 50/50 chance that the other is on the same page that you are on. You have the chance that the other is not seeking anything more then what it, sex, so called friendship, blah, blah blah. You have a chance that once you open up to the other, they aren’t quite where you are at, but are open to the idea of it all. With any of those, you have a chance of emotions coming to surface and you need to find away to manage them.

I’m pretty sure we all read into what is put in front of us in some way shape or form. Does this make us Foolish?  We take what people tell us, and consider it honesty,  being open, being adult. Yet there are times, that is is all pulled away from us, because of misrepresentation . This of course comes on many levels.  We wonder why some are jaded. We wonder why some hold so much in and burst at the flames when they can’t take it in anymore.  We wonder how someone can do this to each other. When in reality isn’t all we want in the long run is to be heard, to be respected, to be ourselves, to not feel judgement, to always be able to keep it real?

Here is what I know…….

I have mentioned this a few times before, just keep it real.

When you keep it real with yourself, you keep it real with everyone around you. We are better humans by keeping it real.

Remember growing up, what you were taught… Simple things… It doesn’t have to difficult. KISS (Keep it simple silly)…  Be nice to each other. Use your manners. Say please and thank you. Be gracious and understanding, listen, don’t just hear what someone is saying, listen to them. You might learn more then you realize if you just listen.

So what I know………. is Foolish thinking is OK…. Just know what is real and what is not. Foolish thinking is your clouded mind pondering the wonder that is your moment, with or without someone, it’s moments we ponder and ponder hard about. Doesn’t make us Foolish……It makes us more aware….

 

 

Oh tis the Holidays!

Regina Phalange

The Holiday’s have come and gone.

I took a step back to engage all the Holidays had to offer. Family, friends, the spirit of the season, it swept me away. And for the first time in many, many years I found this past Holiday and the end of my year one of the best I have ever encountered. Being able to take in what is around me and seeing things for what they are, not what people think they should be. Has been quite refreshing to say the least.  I decided to allow things to just happen and not question it, not wonder about it, mostly not what if it!

Here is what I know……..

The Holiday’s can truly take a toll on us, only if we let it. Why not just sit back, and take it all in.

What I will and can do, is keep the amazing moments of Joy close to my heart. I will cherish them forever!

Happy New Year reader’s , Regina is back.

 

 

What would you do???

Regina Phalange

Would you… Or wouldn’t you? That seems to be the question I have been planked with as of late.

Given the circumstances of any situation, when asked such a question I have to ponder why someone would ask me that and why? Clearly I have all the answers…Yea No………. I just listen, I observe, I pay attention, I have no opinion, I just  keep it real, and gracious as I can.  No one wants to feel judgement, but yet they want to know what you think. I won’t step into that realm of crazy. I choose to be still……

I was approached awhile back about someone’s season, the trauma, their let downs, the mess they seem to feel their life has come to. Knowing what I know about them, it’s just a bad season for them. My hope is that they learn from what they feel their mistakes are/were.  They can power through and look at it as lesson time! I ponder what they can learn from the tsunami that is going on in their life. They can learn so much if they just try.

They could search within themselves to see how they ended up where they are and why. What was it that lead them down that path. Why did they feel it was safe. Where did they think it was going to take them. And at any time during this season did they stop and think about themselves and what they needed and mostly what they wanted…. My guess is that they were so wrapped up in the magic of it all that they put their true wants and needs aside for other things. As protection so to speak…… Because they are a people pleaser never wanting to let anyone down. It’s where they find so much joy.

However with that being said it leads their season to gear off down a path that isn’t what they thought it would be. I  mean we all hope for something amazing, something Magical…. Yet deep down we all know it’s a rare find, that diamond in the ruff. Sometimes I think perhaps we want and need more then one can really truly give without them feeling they are loosing themselves.  They are to afraid of giving up what they know about themselves and sharing that is allowing them to be vulnerable and exposed. Well what’s wrong with that?? Nothing, nothing at all… Why can’t we just be OK with allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and exposed about who we are? It’s human nature to have vulnerable feelings and emotions.

When asked what would I do…. . So here is what I know…..I simply say be still….live life out loud…… be proud of what………….. and who you are…..

At the end of the day you are the only one you have to answer to…

 

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Reflection……

Regina Phalange

Over the past few days I have found reflection in so much around me. I needed to express about.. You know rage on the page.

This will be the first year, in many, many years I will be alone. Not literally, but without my stations, my little mini me, my most dear best friend and her little stations, my other great friends, my family (my immediate family live in Iowa, Wisconsin, California, Texas, Florida, Minnesota). This year my close stations, my family………… will not be around to give thanks with each other. As I reflect on that I think about what I could do, what I might do, what I want to do, mostly what I can do……. No…….. you won’t find me having a lonesome pitty party. No…………. not to sit at home under a cozy blanket and over indulge on NetFlix and consume what I could say more Vodka/Tonics/3 Limes then I ever would or want to…..

However that is not what is going to happen.

In my life I find myself being still……a lot………. Meaning…… I know to gather all the information before reacting. I know to just listen… I know when to lead a helpful banter…. I know when someone needs someone…. Simply to just help….. Yes I put myself out there……. Never expecting anything in return….. I do this because I want to…  It helps me to be still…. To reflect on what is in front of me. It’s for one person’s benefit…Mine.. I find peace, understanding and a great sense of being still… Reflection……

I am pretty sure most of us do not think about reflection in helping others. As a means to being still.. Letting that feeling of being able to just put yourself out there to assist one person who at that moment can’t find it in themselves to just be still….

Here is what I know…. I am so Thankful that people allow me to help them, assist them, listen to them, be there for them, as I can, do and want to……

Try it………….

 

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Keep putting yourself out there…….

Regina Phalange

Don’t stop. No matter what scenario you are in, feel, express, share, mostly Live….. Never stop……

Put yourself out there. It’s part of what we need to do, to feel as humans. That no matter who, where, when we share it with. We at the very least can and NEED to share. NO one should judge us otherwise.  Do not settle in life.. Sometimes we find ourselves in a predicament as we did once upon a time ago. And fear what our peers think of us. It’s human  nature to want to share with someone what we are going through. And it not be about drama, but it is about life…LIVING….. What we are as individuals,………………… go through as humans….LIFE..LIVING…. it’s not drama.. See it for what it is… LIFE…..LIVING…

We have to believe in ourselves on many levels to see our best potential. What saddens me most, is when I see friends now, those of the past, potential good friends in the future, is that there is judgement…always….never……ending…judgement. How about we all just learn a better way of being still…Letting ourselves believe what you feel inside…If you just believe…. You to can find what truly feels good….. Who you are…And what and WHO you want to be.

Here is what I know…….Don’t loose site of who you are… For anyone…ever….. You have always been liked. You will….Always will be. Liked..

… Never forget that……

 

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The Wonder of it All!

Regina Phalange

The Wonder of it All………..

People’s minds, thought process, way of being…. I’m always taking that in. Not so much wondering, just pondering these things. What makes us tick? What makes us think the way we think and why? Is it those who surround us? Is it where we are at the moment? Is is simply our mindset and that is who we are?

Let me explain, recently a good friend of mine found herself challenged with a rage of emotions, ups, downs, a basic shit storm in her life (career, friends, partner, children, an ex, etc). What she pondered the most from it all was that she doesn’t like being alone, and is afraid that is where she is going to end up. Alone.
Aren’t we all afraid of that? Of course, but we can’t let that hinder the possibly of  what lies ahead for us. She is someone who needs to have someone in her life, she doesn’t want it, she needs it. Now we all know our needs and our wants, or do we? Sometimes our judgement gets clouded because of something that happens in our life, bam we are off the track. Some are able to get back on the track. Others just can’t muster the ability to jump back on, it’s to challenging, it’s to difficult, it’s to much for them to handle. Before they know it, their entire life is a shit storm with no end in site, no light at the end of the tunnel. Lost…….alone…..afraid………….

Prioritize, make a list, figure out what you can do now… What do you have control of…… Surprisingly more then we think we do. We just have to believe in ourselves….

I want to at times take her little shoulders and shake her just a little, to see if anything will reconnect again. However I know the best thing for her, is for her to figure it out herself. All I can do is tell her what I know…

So here is what I know… we have to take the challenges, the ups, the downs, the shit storms, that present themselves in our lives and run with them.  Ride the wave, none of us has a crystal ball, we cannot see into future. We can only hope, and take every moment given to us and ride the wave it has become. Stop being afraid of the storm, look it right in the face, don’t let it shake you down. You will come out of it brighter then you can imagine!

 

 

 

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