Author: Regina Phalange

Why can’t we just get along?

Regina Phalange

Why can’t we just get along? Friends, Men, Women, Children, what not.. why can’t we just get along?.. Why is it that so many just can’t keep it real??

Life is about moving forward and towards something for ourselves.  That’s where it all has to start. So then why do people feel their judgement in our lives is important? Are they walking in our shoes? Are they living our life? I don’t think so. Yet so many feel it’s OK to infringe their so called guidance into our lives. Without us even asking for it. STAND BACK and STEP ASIDE, you aren’t walking in their shoes. Quite honestly if they were, most couldn’t handle it, why? Simple……….. it’s not what they are used too.  So why even go there?

I mean if there is something that really bothers you about someone, what they say, how they do business, who they are friends with, or what ever….  Just be adult and speak your mind. Be mindful, be gracious, be decent about it. Keep your facts simple, to the point and most of all, keep it real…….This is what we call sharing… Guess what…….It’s OK to share, really it is. Why bottle it up, why hold it all in? For what……???????………………… for it to fester and boil over ? No…no… and no….  Aren’t we better if we share? Yes, yes, yes… We are humans, we have emotions, it’s instinct to talk a talk, but it’s human to share…..No matter what the outcome being open, honest and sharing you can feel good about the you, that you are! REAL!!!

Here is what I know…. Share……….Try it, see how it feels. Trust me you will be a better person. You will feel good about who you are.  You will be able to look yourself in the mirror honestly and know you are keeping it real…..always……….

 

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Noise, Noise, Noise……..

Regina Phalange

Once upon a time ago it was quite….Then BAM came the Noise, Noise, Noise….

Let me explain… Boy Noise! Yes Boy equals Noise….. When you least expect it. They come out of the woodwork.. You show who you are to them right out of the gate. As you should, why hold off? Don’t!..You need to keep it real, always keep it real!……..

Herein is the problem with them, not you……They feel and think something better is going to come along, or that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence…. And….They do have one of many different ways to check out from you….. Maybe he’s that guy who just leaves. Maybe he’s that guy that halts all contact. Maybe he’s that guy that strings you along. Maybe he’s that guy…………..so on and so on and so on…….

Here is the kicker…. They ALL come back.. At some point, they all come back. Once they realize they had a good thing, and you were and are truly amazing, they kick themselves quietly. They stop and think, how can get back into her good graces to even open up conversation again… Hummmm.. Let’s play this out, they suggest they freaked out.. Why because perhaps you paid attention, completely paid attention to the details he shared with you and you showed him in some way that you did indeed paid attention to detail. Or the reason he halted all contact was because he wasn’t sure you shared the same interests. Or maybe there wasn’t a connection. Maybe he strung you along because he just wasn’t sure what he wanted. BLAH BLAH BLAH…

Whatever the case may be, haven’t we all heard it before. Every excuse in the book.

But stop…..When you are trying to understand this all a sudden comes the noise, noise, noise… It’s not just one reaching back out, but all a sudden those you might have meet a year or 2 ago, seemed to resurface… It’s not just 2, but 4, 5 even 6 at once.. NOISE, NOISE, NOISE…What the heck we think to ourselves. Flattering as it may seem, what do they want. I’ll tell you what they want. What they should have realized was there the entire time, the AWESOME YOU that you are! Overlooked it my ass, freaked out…..whatever, I didn’t know what I wanted, get over yourself already…  Bottom line is it’s NOISE, NOISE, NOISE and no one has time for that.

Here is what I know………Don’t loose site of who you are because you hope so badly he’ll come around….  He will eventually, they all COME BACK. Just keep this in mind, when he does come back, you will be stronger knowing this about yourself. You and only you will be able to decide if he’s worth the second chance. And this time around make it all about you!

 

 

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When it rains it pours……

Regina Phalange

When it rains, it pours…Sometimes it comes in droves..Overwhelming us with emotions that some of us aren’t sure how to handle. This could be with just about anything in our lives… Lets talk about Men, Women, Friends, Lovers, Careers, People…

Friends……… People…….Careers……………If we know what we know, why then do others question it? Why then do people feel the need to be in other’s business. if it doesn’t directly relate to you, why do we have to question it and go inside out of ourselves about it. Getting worked up about it, and putting it out there into the universe only leaves you frustrated, upset, angry and beside yourself. Why would you want to do that to………….. yourself?  I believe I have written this before, the only person you have to answer to at the end of the day is yourself. Stay our of other’s business, regardless of your play in it. Leave it to those who are directly involved and step away.  You’ll thank yourself in the long run. You personally don’t need the drama…..

Why does it have to be so complicated? With…….Men…..Women….People……..Friends……Perhaps because we have a connection directly with that person/or people.  Whatever the case may be, when it rains it pours….What do you do about it? When people (who become friends) come into our lives and then poof they disappear, they are gone…We ask ourselves what happened? What did I do wrong? Why is there so much noise with it? I ask why does it matter? Why worry about that, focus more on what you know, what you understand for you. Why not just be still. Just be still……. Surround yourself with those who understand how to separate what they don’t have control of in your life. Which is nothing at all……..

So when an out pour of rain, rain, rain comes trashing down on you/on us just be still… Simply be still….be still…the clouds will clear away, the air will feel fresh and you will be able to put away your umbrella.

 

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Halloween…. We get to be whoever we want to be…… Or do we?

Regina Phalange

Halloween is my favorite holiday. We get to be whoever we want to be that one of day of the year.. Well that’s what some think. Can’t we be whoever we want to be everyday of the year? Of course we can,… Who’s to tell us otherwise.

Maybe you aren’t quite sure about it.You know being whoever you want to be….. Why not? perhaps what most think…….FEAR! There is nothing to be afraid of. Come on we have all thought on I am sure many occasions what it would be like to be someone else. How we would play that part out. What would we wear to showcase that character. In hopes it comes out as we see it. Why not just play it out and have fun with it. You might even surprise yourself with such fun and excitement.

I recently took a trip with my daughter and her (and mother) friends.  They decided one day to talk in a British accent. It was the most silly, the most fun, kind of day. The girls had over heard several people throughout our trip speak in different languages and thought it would be fun to pretend they were from another country. Throughout the day, listening to them banter, my gal pal (who happens to be my very best dear friend) and I discovered how into they were so we joined them. Talk about being whoever we wanted to be! The entire rest of the day consisted of silly, funny, us…….attempting to be British and talking banter on anything we could come up with.  Stepping around the corner so to speak to play and speak in a different accent was so much fun and so different for us it brought us closer as a family (yes they are family, these ladies are as close to family as one can get).  Knowing we aren’t judging each other, we are having fun with each other, just being ourselves in a different light, or should I say tongue?

So here is what I know…..Halloween comes once a year, but……you can be whoever you want to be every day of the year! Mostly be You! E

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49…………It’s inevitable…. It’s just a number…..

Regina Phalange

As I come upon another Birthday, I reflect on life, people, what not.

It’s just a number…  When people ask me my age I ask them to tell me how young they think I am. I get this look from them like oh no I won’t guess, I don’t want to insult you. Well then why did you ask? Most guess between 38-42, I’m grateful for this compliment it makes me smile all over and graciously say thank you.

When I tell them it’s just a number, and my number this year is 49, they gasp and respond in a WOW manner. I also get the you don’t look 49  or act like a 49 year old comment. How do 49 year old’s act these days? Maybe I need to pay better attention to the 49 year old’s that surround me just to see if I am any different. Now that’s just silly, why would I want to compare myself to anyone but me? I’m not going to change me to fit in. I never have, and I never will.
I simply say it’s just a number, which doesn’t define me, I define me…

So here is what I know….. age is a number, don’t define yourself by it… define yourself as you, who you are, who you want to be, who you need to be. Sometimes it might be out of the scope of your norm, and that is OK, that’s the best part about it. Don’t step outside of the box, go around the corner and see what awaits you. You never know what may come your way…..

 

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Are Men like Cats…?…

Regina Phalange

123_1-3Men and cats…………………Are they more like them if we really think about it…

They only come around when they need a pet. Or when they need attention. Or when it’s on their time. They expect so much in a short period of time so their motors get running so loud it becomes annoying…… Without any regards to our own motors….  Come on we have them to and they need petting, attending and time as well…

What is that all about?

Now I am sure in the same sense men will say well women are like……. Help me out here, we are like…….. (Fill in the blank)_______________________.
And why do you feel we are like this? Regina’s inquiring mind wants to know! Help me help others understand this…….

Back to my point…..

Why is that the coming about is when it’s convenient for him in the case to those who are single? Could be a few things. Maybe some have misrepresented themselves. Perhaps we give them a short show of what we know they like. Then after we have them in our season, that show gets canceled and we still expect the same outcome. Or is it simply they are afraid?

So let’s see misrepresenting yourself, here’s a hint, STOP DOING THAT!! You are only going to be found out in the long run. Both men and women do this, I can never understand why someone would want to do this to themselves. All it does is lead someone down a path of wanting to run the minute they meet you. Be yourself, find the inner you and stick with. Don’t stray from it, it’s who you are! Else you will find yourself very much alone and wonder what you are doing wrong. At the end of the day the only person you have to answer to is yourself. Stop right now, go to the closet mirror and look deep into your eyes. Clearly.. Do you like what you see, do you like how you feel? If not, take a good long look and find out why…… You’ll thank me…

Next the short show. We find out what someone likes, enjoys, even a fantasy.. then we run with it… Once we have them in our web, some feel there is no need for the show. Really? What is wrong with people, if you are going to put on a show, turn on the TV, and watch the reruns…. The show we present ourselves in to those around us is one we live with everyday. Don’t be afraid to have it on all the time! Seriously if you like, love, and enjoy who you are, then your show should be turned on ALWAYS!  Sometimes the episode isn’t the best, that is simply because well we are human and life happens. And that’s OK.. HOWEVER with the right participants the show can be uplifted to something outside the crappy episode.

Being afraid… aren’t we all? It’s an emotion that some challenge themselves against. Stop doing that. It’s OK to be afraid, scared, what ever you want to call it. It’s part of being human. Here is what I know, some have such a hard time opening up, expressing themselves, effectively communicating what they want to say. I have fallen short in the past on this. The key is to learn from it. It’s OK to let others know how you feel, what bothers you about something they might have said, or have done. It’s OK to tell someone (men) they have great socks (yes Regina likes a man in nice happy socks). or tell a women how great she looks. Or let someone know, that you don’t like how they handled a situation they might have been a part of.
Why do we worry so much about judgement? We answer to ourselves, no one else. Yet we find ourselves in such a judgmental world. Be OK with what you believe in, stop worrying about what others think. At the end of the day you answer only to you!

Ok back to… Are Men Like Cats? Sometimes.. No, not always, just sometimes… When they come put their head in your lap they want to be there, even for a short period of time. When they nussle you, they want to be there, even for a short period of time. When they follow you around, they want to be there, even for a short period of time. Isn’t some time better then no time at all? Absolutely.

And so here is what I  know…..

Keep it real, always, keep it real…….

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P.S. Tell what you think Women are like? And why, I can’t wait to read what might be thought of out there. Now all I ask is to be gracious.. No need to bash and bad mouth…. Just keep it real….

Here is what I know……

Regina Phalange

I have both female and male friends that come and share with me their taunts of life… Dating, men, women, their ups and downs with friendships, breakups with friends, their madness of home life, their children (how they are growing up too fast and what should they do), their jobs/careers….and so on…

As if I have all the answers. As if Regina has ALL the answers….Who does? None of us do.

Simple… It’s what we know. Simple as that.

Here is what I know…..

I don’t give advice, I don’t give opinions, it’s not my place. Even when asked.

Simply put, Here is what I know…..

I’m just someone who has been through what we all have been through.

Let’s start with dating… Because Regina is such an expert.. Not really..

Here is what I know…

We have all experienced the wonderful world of dating. Not just with those we may find intrigue with. But with our friends also,  we date our friends. Yes we date our friends, we will get to this eventually.

Dating in general yea we all know it’s NO FUN. Especially as we get into out late 30’s, 40’s even in our 50’s. Challenging is an understatement.

None of which should be so difficult.

“And here we are”….

What’s interesting is I find myself here, again… 24 of the 49 years of my life I was with 2 men. Both of whom I lost myself life to. I was me for awhile, and then ta da I fell into their world, and making sure all was well in it. Even at the darkest moments, because I didn’t want to loose them. Unfortunately I lost the most important part……. me, myself, and I.

I was to busy making sure they were happy, and forgot about the happy part of me, myself and I. The only true way to be good for anyone, is to be good for yourself. With that, after the second long term relationship ended I vowed to me, myself and I will never allow myself to fall into that again.

Simple…. Now read this, think about it, don’t judge.. Put yourself there.. REALLY..

It is all about me (it’s all about you!!!!), as it should be. With this, I (You) can find the goodness I (You) can contribute onto others with-in me (You) first. Hence being good for myself, before I can be good for others.

How do I do that Regina!!!??!!! OK I’m just going to tell you again..

Here is what I know….

Effective communication…It may appear I am an effective communicator…. However…… Yes I fell short in this area… Why… well because again I didn’t want to loose what I thought was an amazing relationship.  Again the only thing I lost, was me, myself and I.

Don’t be afraid to communicate how you feel. Shutting yourself out to this only leads to shutting yourself out to being who you are! Human!  Someone with emotions, understanding, someone who wants..needs… a something, a someone, or simply to just be still with me, myself, and I.

I mean Isn’t that who that person fell for in the first place. Never lose that about yourself, it will be your loose, no one else’s.  

Simply put….

This is what I know!!!!

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