Category: Getting Along

The “Friend Zone” again.

Regina Phalange

“Friend Zoned” This statement is one so many just don’t want to be in. They feel so strongly about someone, think there is this connection, and chemistry. Only to discover this person they are romantically interested in, needs to be 100% sure, so they then put you in the “Friends Zone”. Because they don’t want to hurt your feelings, or give you the wrong impression, or lead you on. WTAF? Isn’t this what they are actually doing? Hanging out with you, getting to know you, talking playfully with you, flirting with you. Only to once again be told we we are “Friends” remember. BUZZZZ KILL at it’s finest. Now their reasoning behind it, is their past, they just don’t want to make the same mistake. So aaaaa are they thinking you could be their future mistake? No one is perfect, so how is it possible to make decisions based on their past experiences towards their future? Because they are holding their past in front of their future.

No wonder so many are cautious and guarded. I mean we need to be right? However, with that being said, we shouldn’t let our past dictate our future or present! If there is an opportunity knocking at your door, you should really open it up and let it in. Explore what is being put in front of you. Else that opportunity will pass you by and when you find yourself ready for the move, that opportunity is gone.

Timing…. Is NOT 1 sided, there are usually 2 people involved. It is not about one of you, who needs to be “sure” and it has to be on their “time”. How is that fair? It’s not, in any way, shape, or form. A relationship no matter what level or who it’s with, is about respect, of each others time. The best gift you can give anyone. So when you say it has to be on your time, quite frankly that is selfish, and completely one sided. So not fair to the other party involved. When they decided enough is enough, it won’t be on them, it will be you the one who wanted to be “sure”.

Even with all the chemistry and connection between you both, it’s a two sided street. Respect the signs, indeed, either merge together and explore the journey, or move on. Stop leading someone down a path that is going no where, especially when they know what they want, and what fills their cup and you know it. All you are doing is just that, leading them on.

Here is what I know….. Magic doesn’t happen often, life doesn’t always bring the right opportunity, timing is that…….timing, just don’t sit on the timing to long…. People aren’t desperate, just because they aren’t with someone, and you show up all of a sudden because you are ready. Remember they were ready way back when. You should have taken the opportunity when it was knocking at your door, but you chose to let them keep knocking.

When you get to a certain age, you just know…… When life presents you with magic, believe in it, it’s there for a reason.

Are you calm? Are you making good choices?

Regina Phalange

It’s a really simple question. In these times we need to be. We need to educate, advocate, understand, your surroundings, be positive, do what is right! Be calm and make good choices!

If you can find a away to make someone’s day, safely, then do it! We all . need a reach out in these times! We have to be there for each other more then ever. Although this to shall pass, take a moment to do a simple action, reach out by checking in on your family, your community members. Simply make a phone call, a video message/chat, a text message, an email, sidewalk chalk messages, simple actions like this show you care. Be kind, treat people with kindness, each of us needs a little more of this.

Here is what I know….. Embrace your surroundings, be positive and share that with all of those around you, in a safe way! Simple actions, speak louder then words. Be safe friends, be calm, make good choices, wash your hands and often. We will power through!

Interesting Hallmark…

Regina Phalange

Don’t you feel sometimes you are living and breathing a Hallmark movie? ……….Come on….. you know you have at one time or another. Being the worst Hallmark Movie ever. Yet you got through it.

A few friends of mine shared their Hallmarks with me. A couple of them single, a couple of them married…………both being in very different places in their lives as far as relationships……….wanting one……..and/or……… staying as far away as possible from it as the other could. And another friends relationship is on steady waters……….
Both in need of education of needs and wants………
Leaving dismay, questions, life, love in a little bit of a storm AKA
Their Season and Reason.

None of this is rocket science my friends. It’s simple words of expression, you know Communication….effective Communication!

Being single myself I completely understand all of this! Being in these seasons in my life and trying to figure out what to do. Will it make sense if I do it this way, or better that way? What if there is judgement? Will others think it’s drama? With all this turmoil of thought………….why would anyone want such a Hallmark? Why……..because we are human, we are meant to be with someone. It’s really OK to admit this. It’s best to actually communicate this concept. The challenge here, is the one you want to communicate with, are they open to it? Most are not, for fear of hearing the honest truth. Most just can’t handle the truth because it means looking in the mirror. Finding themselves in a space of their life they might not be to pleased with and have never figured out how to manage it….so it’s less painful.

The downside is most just don’t know how to/or understand how to communicate effectively. They’ve most likely never been given such an opportunity………………their shining moment to do just that………..effectively communicate!
So they judge….they question…..they aren’t honest……….open………….or even true to themselves. Those individuals are those who loose themselves in a cloud running in circles only seeing the same result. Because they are challenged with changing this cycle…………………….they will continue to run in the same circles only seeing the same results………..

Here is what I know…..
Communication is KEY in any and all relationships. Stop thinking otherwise. Even if it hurts you, angers you, makes you want to pull the hair out of your head or gives you great feelings of joy, laughter, love….. It is the key to magic that lies ahead. You just have to try……and try again……..and maybe some more…..

Just try……. You’ll feel better knowing that you did. Maybe not right off the bat…….but you will.

Damned if we do, Damned if we don’t….

Regina Phalange

Why is it when we step into it again (dating, seeking a partner), we are damned if we do, and damned if we don’t? We find ourselves riddled with curiosity of where someone’s mind set is. We want what we want, we feel what we need, we know what’s important to ourselves. Life is challenging enough, let alone seeking our mate…….partner in crime……..our special someone, love….. Why is this such a challenge?

It comes right down to timing… As we grow into our age’s we tend to settle into what we know, our routine, our habits, the what we know of our  lives. For those who have been single get into this, and when someone we are interested in steps into the light. We try and see how we can make their routine, their habits, their what they know’s work with ours. Not as easy as one would think. Sure we should give, take, and of course that wonderful word called compromise. That word that life is really all about, in order for us to make sense of our surroundings, we have to  find that compromise, so life isn’t full of drama.

What is frustrating mostly at times about all this is when we cross paths with someone that we feel is our match. We start to try them on.  Understanding where they are coming from. So we ask questions, we ponder many things about them, but not as to be needy, stalker like, or a crazy person. Simply we want to know them. We find in discovery of it all that 1 thing may, or may not hold them back. Yet if this 1 thing holds them back from moving forward, were they really in it to win it? Even though they share, they find time for you, they show action. There is the chemistry, there is the connection, there is the possibly of more…Yet this 1 thing makes them decide they just can’t be a part of your like mindedness. they shut the door. Yet this 1 thing that the other is willing to discuss, talk about, find compromise in, but the other is sound on their decision. What do we do, reach out, find hope, let go?

Here is what I know…,

Keep putting yourself out there, YOU are worth it…. They may or may not come back..If they don’t you know it wasn’t meant to be.

If they do, you have to simply be still. You have to hear them, they have to hear you, and both needs to listen with their heart.

And perhaps things will be more clear.

 

It is what it is…………

Regina Phalange

Why is it when our friends discover a new relationship we are then cast aside? This goes for both men and women. We all do it. WHY? Eventually the honeymoon will be over, and then all is what suppose to go back to normal? hummmmmm

Where is the balance? Aren’t we all wiser with our time today, then when we were in our 20’s even our 30’s? I would think and hope we are. Just because there is something new in our life, aka a relationship doesn’t mean you cast aside those who have been there for you. It doesn’t mean fit them in here or there. It doesn’t mean I have so much else going on, and I can’t find the time because I want to spend it with so and so.  It doesn’t mean hearing the “oh you know I want to spend time getting to know this person better, so my time is limited.” Blah, blah, blah………………………………………….

No matter what, when you have close friends, you are in a relationship with them, you may not think so, but yes indeed you are! Casting them on to the sidelines until you are ready to play with them again just isn’t OK. These are the people who have been with you through thick and thin, wiped you up off the floor when you thought your world was going to fall apart. Was there just because, was there when you needed someone…..THEM. Was there to laugh with. Was there to cry with. Was there just to be there. That is what true friends are. Then one all a sudden something new is part of the their life and you are left on the sidelines of the game until you are called into play.

I ponder if those friends even take a second to realize just how this makes one feel. Sad, hurt, mad, a little heartbroken perhaps. If there is one thing Regina doesn’t like, is when someone disappoints her, nor does she want to ever disappoint anyone. When that person then comes around and asks the question; “what’s wrong, did I do something wrong?” Clearly they haven’t looked at your relationship as a true friend, as a relationship that at times can be tender.   Disappointing… Simply disappointing… Maybe both parties are wrong, maybe both parties are right, maybe both parties just need to talk it out, when a time out is taken on both sides and communication can be effective for both.

So here is what I know……

Be an effective communicator…… How do we then let them know they are disappointing us with this brush of of the game. Without making them feel completely angry, upset, sad, hurt and so on….. Express what is bothering you, discuss when you felt you were put out of the game and on the sidelines. Open up about how you were there first and that having someone new in their life is great (because it really is) but that ignoring your friendship is not so great! Communicate how this makes you feel and why. Ask them to just listen… Then ask them to take a time out and weather through what was said. Because it will be a storm of sorts, the edge of the bridge is right there and it could lead to being pushed right over and it the friendship is lost forever. Or it could mean you sat through the storm together, and here you are…. You’ve opened up their eyes and yours to what your friendship really means to you both.

Keep that true friend(s) who is/are your dearest friend(s) close, and even closer. Because one day you will NEED them in more ways the one!

 

What would you do???

Regina Phalange

Would you… Or wouldn’t you? That seems to be the question I have been planked with as of late.

Given the circumstances of any situation, when asked such a question I have to ponder why someone would ask me that and why? Clearly I have all the answers…Yea No………. I just listen, I observe, I pay attention, I have no opinion, I just  keep it real, and gracious as I can.  No one wants to feel judgement, but yet they want to know what you think. I won’t step into that realm of crazy. I choose to be still……

I was approached awhile back about someone’s season, the trauma, their let downs, the mess they seem to feel their life has come to. Knowing what I know about them, it’s just a bad season for them. My hope is that they learn from what they feel their mistakes are/were.  They can power through and look at it as lesson time! I ponder what they can learn from the tsunami that is going on in their life. They can learn so much if they just try.

They could search within themselves to see how they ended up where they are and why. What was it that lead them down that path. Why did they feel it was safe. Where did they think it was going to take them. And at any time during this season did they stop and think about themselves and what they needed and mostly what they wanted…. My guess is that they were so wrapped up in the magic of it all that they put their true wants and needs aside for other things. As protection so to speak…… Because they are a people pleaser never wanting to let anyone down. It’s where they find so much joy.

However with that being said it leads their season to gear off down a path that isn’t what they thought it would be. I  mean we all hope for something amazing, something Magical…. Yet deep down we all know it’s a rare find, that diamond in the ruff. Sometimes I think perhaps we want and need more then one can really truly give without them feeling they are loosing themselves.  They are to afraid of giving up what they know about themselves and sharing that is allowing them to be vulnerable and exposed. Well what’s wrong with that?? Nothing, nothing at all… Why can’t we just be OK with allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and exposed about who we are? It’s human nature to have vulnerable feelings and emotions.

When asked what would I do…. . So here is what I know…..I simply say be still….live life out loud…… be proud of what………….. and who you are…..

At the end of the day you are the only one you have to answer to…

 

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Why can’t we just get along?

Regina Phalange

Why can’t we just get along? Friends, Men, Women, Children, what not.. why can’t we just get along?.. Why is it that so many just can’t keep it real??

Life is about moving forward and towards something for ourselves.  That’s where it all has to start. So then why do people feel their judgement in our lives is important? Are they walking in our shoes? Are they living our life? I don’t think so. Yet so many feel it’s OK to infringe their so called guidance into our lives. Without us even asking for it. STAND BACK and STEP ASIDE, you aren’t walking in their shoes. Quite honestly if they were, most couldn’t handle it, why? Simple……….. it’s not what they are used too.  So why even go there?

I mean if there is something that really bothers you about someone, what they say, how they do business, who they are friends with, or what ever….  Just be adult and speak your mind. Be mindful, be gracious, be decent about it. Keep your facts simple, to the point and most of all, keep it real…….This is what we call sharing… Guess what…….It’s OK to share, really it is. Why bottle it up, why hold it all in? For what……???????………………… for it to fester and boil over ? No…no… and no….  Aren’t we better if we share? Yes, yes, yes… We are humans, we have emotions, it’s instinct to talk a talk, but it’s human to share…..No matter what the outcome being open, honest and sharing you can feel good about the you, that you are! REAL!!!

Here is what I know…. Share……….Try it, see how it feels. Trust me you will be a better person. You will feel good about who you are.  You will be able to look yourself in the mirror honestly and know you are keeping it real…..always……….

 

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