Category: Noise

Breakups……..

Regina Phalange
Dawn Ristow <dawn.ristow@gmail.com>6:10 PM (0 minutes ago)
to me

Break Ups…. Weather they be with a boyfriend or girlfriend or just a friend are never easy. After it happens you sit, you ponder in it…..and ponder in it…..and ponder in it. Why? Because you are human, and have emotions that we can’t always control. Do you think what could I have done differently? Do you think boy I should have seen that coming? Do you think what is it I did wrong? Do you think maybe it’s for the best. Do you think eventually they are going to be found out and will be called out on their  BS.
Once you get past the thinking and are able to have clear vision and it doesn’t linger in the back of your mind will they be back?


A good friend of mine shared with me recently a break up that she went through. Wasn’t even really a break up. It was more of a expression of honesty that led to her friend completely ignoring her ghosting her more or less.  Effective communication is so important and any and all relationships. It’s not always going to be good it’s not always going to be bad. It’s not always going to be bells and whistles. Just simply have regards for the other person’s emotions.


Unfortunately my friend thought  she had effective communication was happening. Honesty keeping things real, is exactly what both of these people boasted about. It’s what made their relationship real. At least that what she thought. Then one day my friend was sucker punched. So to speak. She discovered something about her friend….that they clearly they had been lying for some time. They weren’t honest, they weren’t open and they took the vulnerability my friend was able to share and sucker punched her.


Now fortunately my friend is strong enough to take that and say no more. What’s most interesting is that when she revealed complete and utter honesty She had discovered after that that this person had been lying. That most likely they had been lying for some time The good thing is  My friend did not reach back out to this so called friend to lay it on the line. She decided it wasn’t worth the time the energy or the efforts.


What she did do was mark her calendar.  She marked her calendar because the pattern of behavior of this friend like so many others is that they’ll be back.  Thinking that their secret is hidden deep and because time will have pasted and no one will know the wiser. When and if this so called friend reaches back out to her in a few months she will take the opportunity meet with them and effectively communicate the lies that she discovered.
What will this do for her. It will give her the satisfaction of having complete, utter clear vision and closure.

Here is what I know…If you cannot be honest with somebody keep your mouth shut. Leave that person and anyone else be. Don’t spout about wanting complete honesty when you can’t be honest yourself..
Because liars always are found out…

The past….The present…..The Future

Regina Phalange

The past, the present, the future…….. It’s like a revolving door, they all come back around. What we thought was in our past, presents it’s self again and presses us think about the future.  Recently someone shared a story with me about just this. She felt/feels she is between a rock and a hard place. She most definitely knows she has to let the past go, and just live in the present and let the future happen. As hard as it was, she knew if he really wanted to be there after all this time, he would maybe find a way. Maybe they will cross paths yet once again. I mean in the 5 years they  knew of each other, timing got in their way, each time their paths crossed something was in the way. Yet this last time is different, very different. All she can do is let it play out, being mindful of pressure, pushing, being sensitive to the situation. Just let it play out.

Here is what I know…….

Sometimes we just have to let things go and be OK with that. We just have to wait and see what the path offers.  Even if it means loosing what was, what is and what could be. We just can’t wait around, for someone, anyone. Time is the best gift we can give ourselves and anyone. So we have to keep moving on into our days and embrace what life has presented to us.

Damned if we do, Damned if we don’t….

Regina Phalange

Why is it when we step into it again (dating, seeking a partner), we are damned if we do, and damned if we don’t? We find ourselves riddled with curiosity of where someone’s mind set is. We want what we want, we feel what we need, we know what’s important to ourselves. Life is challenging enough, let alone seeking our mate…….partner in crime……..our special someone, love….. Why is this such a challenge?

It comes right down to timing… As we grow into our age’s we tend to settle into what we know, our routine, our habits, the what we know of our  lives. For those who have been single get into this, and when someone we are interested in steps into the light. We try and see how we can make their routine, their habits, their what they know’s work with ours. Not as easy as one would think. Sure we should give, take, and of course that wonderful word called compromise. That word that life is really all about, in order for us to make sense of our surroundings, we have to  find that compromise, so life isn’t full of drama.

What is frustrating mostly at times about all this is when we cross paths with someone that we feel is our match. We start to try them on.  Understanding where they are coming from. So we ask questions, we ponder many things about them, but not as to be needy, stalker like, or a crazy person. Simply we want to know them. We find in discovery of it all that 1 thing may, or may not hold them back. Yet if this 1 thing holds them back from moving forward, were they really in it to win it? Even though they share, they find time for you, they show action. There is the chemistry, there is the connection, there is the possibly of more…Yet this 1 thing makes them decide they just can’t be a part of your like mindedness. they shut the door. Yet this 1 thing that the other is willing to discuss, talk about, find compromise in, but the other is sound on their decision. What do we do, reach out, find hope, let go?

Here is what I know…,

Keep putting yourself out there, YOU are worth it…. They may or may not come back..If they don’t you know it wasn’t meant to be.

If they do, you have to simply be still. You have to hear them, they have to hear you, and both needs to listen with their heart.

And perhaps things will be more clear.

 

Noise, Noise, Noise……..

Regina Phalange

Once upon a time ago it was quite….Then BAM came the Noise, Noise, Noise….

Let me explain… Boy Noise! Yes Boy equals Noise….. When you least expect it. They come out of the woodwork.. You show who you are to them right out of the gate. As you should, why hold off? Don’t!..You need to keep it real, always keep it real!……..

Herein is the problem with them, not you……They feel and think something better is going to come along, or that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence…. And….They do have one of many different ways to check out from you….. Maybe he’s that guy who just leaves. Maybe he’s that guy that halts all contact. Maybe he’s that guy that strings you along. Maybe he’s that guy…………..so on and so on and so on…….

Here is the kicker…. They ALL come back.. At some point, they all come back. Once they realize they had a good thing, and you were and are truly amazing, they kick themselves quietly. They stop and think, how can get back into her good graces to even open up conversation again… Hummmm.. Let’s play this out, they suggest they freaked out.. Why because perhaps you paid attention, completely paid attention to the details he shared with you and you showed him in some way that you did indeed paid attention to detail. Or the reason he halted all contact was because he wasn’t sure you shared the same interests. Or maybe there wasn’t a connection. Maybe he strung you along because he just wasn’t sure what he wanted. BLAH BLAH BLAH…

Whatever the case may be, haven’t we all heard it before. Every excuse in the book.

But stop…..When you are trying to understand this all a sudden comes the noise, noise, noise… It’s not just one reaching back out, but all a sudden those you might have meet a year or 2 ago, seemed to resurface… It’s not just 2, but 4, 5 even 6 at once.. NOISE, NOISE, NOISE…What the heck we think to ourselves. Flattering as it may seem, what do they want. I’ll tell you what they want. What they should have realized was there the entire time, the AWESOME YOU that you are! Overlooked it my ass, freaked out…..whatever, I didn’t know what I wanted, get over yourself already…  Bottom line is it’s NOISE, NOISE, NOISE and no one has time for that.

Here is what I know………Don’t loose site of who you are because you hope so badly he’ll come around….  He will eventually, they all COME BACK. Just keep this in mind, when he does come back, you will be stronger knowing this about yourself. You and only you will be able to decide if he’s worth the second chance. And this time around make it all about you!

 

 

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