Category: Risk

Soar….Dream….Believe..

Regina Phalange

In the midst of the sadness, negativity and the unknown today 2 America Astronauts raced through the skies on a journey, that we all get to watch right along with them. Rather than express what this means to the United States. I’d like to share what today’s launch meant to me.

Not only did Sofia and I enjoy the wonder that is Mark Rober I was able to see my small tall mini me watch a dream of hers, the Falcon 9 launch safely into space from American soil. One day she would like to be a part of these organizations NASA 360 SpaceX

Her hope is to build these spaceships, to be one who will sore through space one day. Making a difference, being proud of where she came from. What she’s learned. The drive and the spirit to want to know and understand more SpaceX NASA – National Aeronautics and Space Administration this young lady wants to make an impact, and difference in our world even if its out there somewhere in space.

And although she is missing so much ( her FIRST Robotics Team 93: N.E.W. Apple Corps and friends).as so many of our future generation are. She didn’t get to miss this amazing moment today in American history. I didn’t miss it either. Watching Sofia’s gaze as Falcon 9 launched towards the skies was pure Joy.

Here is what I know….
Let’s not forget where we are, where we came from and mostly where we can go. The journey can be infinate. Don’t miss the opportunity..

https://www.google.com/…/science/spacex-launch-nasa.amp.html

Be open to listening.

Regina Phalange

Listen… Just sit back and listen…… Sometimes people just need to be heard……. Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with people, family, friends, whom ever and wanted to pipe in your thoughts………your opinions………..your beliefs? Most people will jump in and have to lay out the why’s, the what’s, the where’s and the when’s of the topic of conversation. No matter what their beliefs are. When all the other person wanted from you, was to just sit……..listen…….hear them……..understand their view point,………..and do not pass judgement.

We just want to be heard, we just want to use our voice, we just want respect on our views. Even if you don’t agree. I had the opportunity to socially distance with a couple friends during this interesting time
(COVID-19). Listening to their view points, and hearing them, hearing what they feel, what they see, how their emotional state has been. For me it was refreshing to give them a platform to speak, open up, hear them. It gives me a better perspective on their insight. I can be better for them because I listened to them….I heard them……and gave them the respect they deserve…. It truly made me feel better as their friend.

Here is what I know……. We all need to vent………………rant…….. be vocal about what is going on. Share our concerns about our feelings and how this is effecting us personally, and professionally, We need to feel a sense of togetherness without all the judgement. We need to be our best selves and together we can!

Never say can’t. Because we always can. Just try!

Be safe…Stay calm….Make good choices…. Wash your hands and often.

Is 80% right?

Regina Phalange

I recently had a conversation with one of my guy friends at the gym. Matt’s perspective on dating is interesting. He has shared a few of his stories in the world of dating from his point of view. He’s a lay it out as he sees it kinda of guy. To concerned once upon a time ago what others thought about him, trying to impress women only to discover, he wasn’t impressed. He was to a point in his life with dating that he was just over it. To many games, to many not confident enough in themselves. To many full of drama, to many who didn’t have goals. Just to many that shouldn’t be out there dating, until they fixed themselves. That’s when Matt decided to just that for himself. He focused more on himself first, not his kids. He discovered the only way he could be good for his his kids, was to be good to himself first. He had to be the priority, not his kids. Once he found acceptance with himself and felt himself change in a way that was comfortable for him, he liked who he discovered. Truly a better him

He has since found love again and is engaged. He tells me 80% of men don’t approach women. We are to scared, nervous, get anxiety about it, are afraid of rejection, don’t want to show their vulnerability. What ever that is, 80% of men just don’t approach women. Interesting perspective, so at least there is 20% who do approach women, right? Of course, those men who are confident, what % of them are real? Not just full of themselves. I suppose we could put women into this category, however what would the % be? Today women are more straight forward. The % may be different…….just a bit. Regardless this leaves me in wonder, will those who are single, remain single because of this?

Here is what I know………

If you want to approach someone, just do it. After all…………………………….. their opinion about you is none of your business.

Boundaries….

Regina Phalange

When the one we “love” one crosses one…………maybe two…………………………..no how about three boundaries.
What would you do? RUN!!! like Jenny said in Forrest Gump, Run……………………..Forrest…………………..Run!!!

How can someone even consider staying after 3 boundaries are crossed? Trust is completely lost…………… Why stay?
In my network of the who’s who.. One shared their most recent story of a major boundary crossing in her/his  relationship.

In the beginning of a relationship there are a lot of factors to seek into and ponder about.  Privacy should be one of them, it should be in the top 5 for sure…………….and a respect for it!  When the relationship began it of course was something like rainbows and unicorns.  We who are wise know that initial start aka the Honeymoon stage in the relationship……. Those of us who are wise, know… it doesn’t’ last…..and it’s our jobs in the relationship to seek, always seek that honeymoon feeling… We won’t get into that now.. Maybe another time……….At any rate……..Neither really knew just where everything was going, where things might be at………..Do we make a commitment?….. Do we not?…… In this stage, there is ZERO commitment, and if an opportunity knocks on the door, you should let it in. With ZERO guilt behind it!!! Because there is no commitment yet……

With that being said, this person did reach out to another, but only as a conversation opportunity. Nothing physical, because it was something familiar from their past,  then why not at the very least just have the conversation. In the long run with this conversation, they knew it would never work, the distance was more then the relationship could muster. No harm, no foul….

Yet someone crossed a boundary! Let’s see things to NEVER DO in the beginning stages of a relationship…….Especially when it is literally just beginning. NEVER look through someones phone…NEVER look through someones mail…..NEVER look through someones pocket book aka purse, or wallet. NEVER…..step in as the parent right out of the gate……NEVER……..These are simple……simple rules of engagement in the beginning stages of whatever the relationship is.  SIMPLE!!!!!

Nope someone crossed one these boundaries, not once……not twice……3 TIMES!!! Are you kidding me! The 1st time, shame on them!!! the 2nd and 3rd time, SHAME…SHAME on them. The first boundary was crossed so early on into the relationship, this should have been this persons first clue!  But to let it happen 2 more times. YEA RUN…………….FORREST………………….RUN……………………

The person who crossed that boundaries excuse was a trust issue, aaaa then flipping have a conversation about it..,…. Nope instead how about we just cross that boundary.  And now this is where the back peddling begins. With the I”m so sorry, I  know it was wrong. I know have trust issues, I need maybe to talk with someone. Please forgive me. blah…..blah…..blah….and did I mention blah????????????? Seriously!!!!!!!!!!!!  The crazy part…is that this friend is considering their appeal………….Seriously!  If they cross the boundaries once, twice, three times, they’ll continue to do so!!!!!! This is what some might call a non-trusting-selfish-narcissist….

However for the other to buy into their I’m sorry’s, I’ll do better, It won’t happen again BS………… Well it’s just sad……..  Missing potentially an amazing opportunity for something magical in the future because it’s the environment that you have lived with for the better part of 20 years. WOW I feel actually sad for them.  They don’t see the possible potential that is out there…. They are so stuck in their past, that this behavior is ok…..it’s all they know!

Well here is what I  know………………
When someone, anyone crosses a boundary…………..RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We all know them, we all know what’s right, we all know what’s wrong, we all have our priorities, and we know what they are!!!! Why deviate from them?

Be mindful of what you have in your heart and listen to your HEAD!!!!!! Stop What IF-ING it!!!

 

 

What do you believe? What can you believe?

Regina Phalange

What do you believe? What can you believe?
Ever find yourself challenged with this question when it comes to someone? Of course you are. Especially in the early stage of trying to figure out if they are who we might want them to be with and who we want to be with.

In the begging stages of what ever it is we enter into with someone, we ask ourselves these 2 questions (in some fashion) What do we believe? What can we believe? See if someone seems to good to be true, are they? Or aren’t they? We want to feel and believe what someone is telling us is real.
Now step back to when it all started. Think about first and foremost, what was it when you started. What was the playing field of this whatever kind of relationship you are having with this person?
Was it just to go out and have fun????………………..I mean after all it was comfortable so why not just leave it at that….Sure keep telling yourself that…….In the beginning maybe that is  how it was to be played. .

But what happens when it’s past a certain time frame… How long do we wait until we realize hang on, how long have we been doing this now, 4, 5, 6, 7 months.. OK wait, is it more then what it was, when it started? And why am I asking myself this? Could it be that there are feelings that startedo develop? ……..Scary…………………………yes….why? Well because it could be one sided… Then there is the question should I tell the other how I feel?

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes you should… If you feel something more then what it was when it all started then YES you need to find strength and share. Regardless of what you think the outcome is going to be.  You have NO idea what the outcome is going to be, unless you have a magic crystal ball that gives you all the answers. If that is the case then why are you even reading this? Because clearly you and it, that magic crystal ball have all the answers…. Let’s keep it real people. You will never know until you put it out there. If all it was suppose to be was fun and what not, and that person calls you out on it. OWN IT!!! And tell them, hey I”m just keeping it real. I am being honest and need to share how I feel about this now.

Oddly enough this person may completely disappear.  So be it. Keep in mind 90% of them come back. Could be for a variety of reasons. They think maybe your not with someone and you will  give in to them.. Don’t be that person and give in. You are stronger then that! YES YOU ARE!

or….

They could realize you are the real deal and need to take a better look at what you said and what quite possibly have lost.  Enough time has past and they see a bigger picture.

or……

They could realize they need to just give it a shot. Because their absence has made them recognize you, were/are what  they very well could be looking for.

Now with that being said, some may be defensive about it. Yes this happens…… because all it was suppose to be was hanging out and fun.
Sure you were good with that when it started..Yet something happened….Things, feelings happen. Don’t push them away, own it!

They will bark and balk about how you are over thinking things.  They will suggest that you aren’t at all who you put yourself out there to be when it all started.
See the thing is when we spend time with people, especially those you are intrigued with, we tend to find ourselves attaching to them more. We tend to think of them more often. We tend to a lot of things about them….. So you might have been ok with how you both agreed it to be in the beginning. However for you now, yes it’s different and that is OK.

Or that you are hot one minute and cold the next. This is OK as well.
If you are little crazed by the wonder of this person….aaahhhh this is why you should share!
Do not let them make you feel badly, guilty about keeping it real for yourself.

They are simply not at all comfortable with themselves.  Nor do they have a good relationship with themselves.

Remember this therapy blog session?
https://and-here-we-are.com/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-yourself/

If you haven’t read it, please do.. It may help shed some light on the topic.

After all you are only human, and with that comes emotions. We as humans need to express ourselves…Keeping it all bottled up does you no good. If someone can’t handle that, then move on! But for you at least you then will know you needed, that was/is to be open, honest, and real!

So here is what I know……..

Don’t back down on who you are. Don’t let someone take over who you are. Do Not Own Their Drama!!!
Always know what you want, who you are, what you need, how you feel. Give yourself a expectation.

 

Taking a risk….

Regina Phalange

When we fall for someone it comes with the risk that it might not be what we had hoped it to be.

Over the weekend a friend shared some of her heartbreak with me….. Confusion is on the tip of her brain due to it.

Let me share…

She’s never been more confused on the subject then she is now…..Men…. They want you, they court you, they woo you, say all the right things only to be told they don’t feel it’s working.. WHY? Most likely shit got to REAL and the moment it did, he was gone… Instead of sharing these feelings and working on them together as partners. Does this paint a picture that this person really didn’t want a partnership to begin with?

She poses the question:? How is it that when a man tries so hard to get the girl he wants (months of trying) he BAM with a snap of the fingers after he finally gets her, he bails…….????? She is heart broken.. Who wouldn’t be….. What she does know is that she feels the possibility that someone even greater will seek her out.  Good for her!!!

What impresses me is she will always be grateful for the experience and knowledge she got from being with him. She knows she will always miss him to some degree, and she is OK, she is after all human..

When we fall so hard even when we didn’t want. The risk of heartbreak is right there….It’s a death of something, that something that we hoped was going to be our amazing. It’s the risk we as strong humans are willing to take. Why do we, well because we can. Never say can’t because we always can! Just try. Men and women are creatures of habit.When we attempt to try…… when it comes to love, lust, passion, amazing and feeling…. Well most of us are really truly scared. It means they are letting their guard down, not being as cautious, they are opening up to the idea of something awesome. Yet when this happens, bam that person is gone.  WHY??? Most likely to come back and realize they should have just asked/said simple questions and/or suggestions.  Then it’s a matter of do we take them back, give them a second chance, after all don’t well deserve that second chance? Even if in deed they ran because they felt something better was going to come along. YES I say this because sometimes we need to make these dumb mistakes to realize what we had was quite possibly our amazing…

Men are simple… Very simple…. They are fearful that women don’t get that. When in reality we get it more then they know.  They just have to ask, they just have to let us know. And we as women need to LISTEN, not hear what he is saying, sharing, expressing, but LISTEN!!! Pay attention!!!!!

So here is what I know……

Power through, continue to be hopeful, to live patience, not just practice it, live it… Good things do come to those who know it’s there.