Category: Uncategorized

Again?

Regina Phalange

Why is it when we think we have truly let go, we find ourselves there again? What is it about the subject that draws us back in? Wanting and needing to let something/someone go isn’t as easy as one may think it is.
If it resurfaces it’s like a sign to revisit the situation. Or is it?

A friend shared with me recently finding themselves thinking, wanting, and needing, someone from their past. They had let this person go a long time ago. However found themselves thinking about this person all the time. When they reached out, the person wasn’t always receptive. Which should have been sign #1, if someone is interested in you, they will show it, they will respond to you, they will make what’s called an effort.

They would often get together do things, hang out, but nothing more then that. Knowing this persons past my friend knew they just weren’t in the same space. Sign #2 they were working through their storms. When someone has storms happening in their season, we need to let those work through the storms. How would they be good for anyone? aaaaaa……they can’t be, if you are not good for yourself, how can you be good for anyone?

Sign #3 stop thinking just because you hear the persons name it’s a sign, just because you find yourself in a scenario like one you might have been in with someone, it’s not a sign to reach out. Life has chapters, we have read and go through each chapter in order for us to get to the end of the book to start the next.

Here is what I know…….
Expect nothing, appreciate everything.

Much the same…….

Regina Phalange

Sure feels like it.  Except one area, being stronger about “Much the same”…….. When we hope for something for so long…. And it takes just as long to get there. You find when it presents itself to you……It’s really “Much the same”……… No fault of our own. Simply it’s what we feel, need, want and have to have. Yet if it’s still “Much the same”. Why would want to put ourselves through it again??????????

People, relationships, being honest, being real, sharing our truths, lying, putting on a good show, playing a game…………How is it we find much the same?  We can’t fault someone for being honest, we can’t fault someone who can open up and share.  Do we fault someone for lying, putting on a good show, playing a game, NO… We call them out on it, we make sure they know how it makes us feel. Their actions in this area, shows who they really are. Do we want that type in our lives? No….

Here is what I know…………..

Our time is worth more, our self worth is our credibility, when someone steps on that, it brings us down to their level. STOP doing that! Let them go……. Even through the power of Wisdom, we fall short, but sensibility will catch up, and you will know…  You are worth it!

2018 Live the best life you know how!

Regina Phalange

As the old year came to an end, and the new year flows into traffic, how ya doing so far?

Sometimes just when we think we are ok………yea we aren’t. Back into old habits, chasing something that doesn’t make sense, hoping for change… The question to ask yourself is this, did you live the best life you could this past year? Honestly did you? Most can say they did not, some can say they tried, which means what? We took the wrong fork in the road. The path we thought made the most sense really turned out to be more not worth the effort. Or it just wasn’t as we had thought, or dreamed it could be.

Here is what I know……

Live the best life you know how. Even for that moment, take it one step, one minute, one day, at a time. Nothing in life comes easy, most likely you’ll hit many walls. Don’t let that keep you from trying again, and again, and again.

Live the best life you know how. Only you can!

In the moment…..

Regina Phalange

When something amazing happens, we share… It’s human nature to do so.

A friend shared with me their amazing moment…..

When we work, what do we work for? Who do we work for? Why do we work?

Most of us have the daily routine of our jobs. Most complain, most judge others within their work place.  Most point fingers, and really they are only pointing fingers back at themselves. Why not instead embrace what you do, find the amazing in it.

After days, weeks, months, years, of working smart, finding the amazing in it was the surreal moment, the real game changer in their career, (at least this is how they feel). All a sudden people are paying attention, wanting a piece of what is offered by them.  Being able to use their voice, and use it as a voice for others in a way that is simple. Effectively communicating the drive, the vision, the value,, the mission of the work message.  Most importantly it being heard, on many different platforms is where the “Amazing” moment came from.

Indeed their mission had been talked about and expressed in many different ways.  Yet just most recently it became apparent the mission, the message started becoming more clear to those who opened their eyes, their ears and their hearts. Better understanding that this wasn’t about one person making a difference, it was about the many hands, and voices behind them.

When their plan comes together, all the pieces to the puzzle start to form something magical. Receiving phone calls from people that could change things in their business. Meeting owners of organizations that can help their platform, support from all around. It comes in droves at times, slow one minute, and fast paced the next. It’s all like a chess game, knowing when to make the right move, seeing all the scenarios playing out before it happens, can be the challenge. What makes it all refreshing though is the belief they have within themselves to be heard for others who aren’t able to use their voice to be heard.

All the smart work starting showing signs of paying off.

Here is what I know….

Take a moment to seek your amazing……..in work……….in life………..in love……..in your surroundings.

Embrace the simple……

 

 

 

 

The heart knows what it wants……

Regina Phalange

Even when we think we know what we want.

It’s really what our heart is telling us….what we want….

After being away from someone for some time, in hopes to get over them, they are still on your mind. When you drift off to sleep, when you wake up, when you hear their name, when something happens around you that reminds you of them. That’s the heart…..It knows what it wants and what you need.

But just jumping back into it, thinking maybe that person feels the same way without any notion what they are really feeling. Could mean happiness, love, a connection, disappointment, hurt, sadness, a whole slue of emotions that you thought you had control of. Well you might, and you might not. People come and go in our lives, some leave a lasting impression that is hard to let go of. Even when we know it’s the best thing we should do for ourselves. So we keep these emotions in check and make sure not to do something like send an oopsss text, or a butt dial, or re-reading old text messages, in hopes to maybe hold on to something that is no longer there.

Listen if it was meant to be, then it was meant to be. It’s really all about timing….

Delete those old text message,s even the photos, anything to help you just get over them, and be able to feel as though you are at the very least moving on.  By not having these things to go back to, will help, it will. It’s a liberating feeling to do this and know you have some control over that piece of the letting go.  Now with that being said we all know they come back. Some take longer then others to come back. But at some level they all come back. With that being said, don’t hold out to much hope though. Why waist your time? You have an amazing LIFE to Live, so go do it! Don’t wait around.  If they do come back, think long and hard, why they left or why you let them go. And ask yourself this, are they worth the effort to give them time to share with you what they want now? Only you will know.

Here is what I know……

Live your life! Don’t wait around for anyone… You are the only person you have to answer to. You are the one looking at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day. Don’t let the past dictate how you are feeling today. Get over it already! Or at the very least, attempt to meet new people and rediscover yourself. You might be surprised what you find! The you, that has always been there!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She always finds a way to surprise me….

Regina Phalange

I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!!!!

It’s been sometime since Regina has had some words of wisdom and what she knows…  When you least expect it……

Discovery!!!

I found her (my daughter SMR) message on a blank canvas…

This makes my heart smile…. This makes me happy.

I asked her when she did this and asked her why… She told me, you left your computer open, after your last blog, a while ago. And I wanted to let you know..

I love you………..

Here is what I know….

Always know even though parents are everywhere in their children s’ lives. They are right there with us. Always!

I LOVE YOU TOO SMR!!!!!!!

 

Know when it’s all about timing………………….

Regina Phalange

Sometimes it’s all just that……….it’s about timing…..

Just when we think……………..feel…… and breath normal.. Timing plays a factor.  How do we bypass that?…….Well we don’t………simple as that.
The laws of average seem to bring in storms that effect the timing in our lives.

Experiencing the wonderful world of timing…  It’s not that we expect anything bad to happen………….meaning our world can be smooth………………………..moving forward…………….positive………………good………full…. We still have all that. But enter the storms of LIFE….. Completely unexpected and unfound, but yet sometimes the storms have nothing to do with us.  Though seem to effect us the most. Add other little storms into the mix and ta da, you have  what some would call a shitstorm…… Don’t look at it like that… Maybe look at it like this……. Life happens, and sometimes a lot of life happens at once. Unexpected, which is ok, we have to walk through Life and manage what we can within our control……. Else we live by the laws of average…… Who wants that???

When you engage your life with someone, and are walking down a similar path, sometimes there are so many distractions, that they cloud where your path is. Taking you down a path of despair, confusion….mostly the unknown. This is hard when you are first starting out in a relationship. Especially if one of you is wanting to tell the other what they know……..NO……Not advice, because Regina will tell you NEVER give advice, just share what you know.

So when this happens, and your partner has a storm coming, we start to see how can we tell them what we know. With out it seeming like advice, provide facts, justification of those facts. That’s all you can do, they have to be the one to take those facts and decide if they can use them in their storm. Or at the very least how to see their storm in a different wave. Usually there is one that is stronger of the 2. The one who is stronger of the 2 needs to be sure that their partner understands, that we (the stronger of the 2) understand they have a storm going on. Big…………small…………indifferent……….no matter the size. We need to make sure they understand, we understand.  We are able to be adult enough to step aside, give them time to get through their storm. Even if this means stepping away from what they have built thus far in their relationship.

Sometimes both will have storms at the same time. Yes……………this can be tricky! Those of us who are wise, know this……… no ones storm is worse then the other. It’s just a different.  Being wiser we should be able to recognize that one of them is going through more storms, some quite heavy at times then the other. With that, there should be no judgement. What should be is simply being able to recognize it, and validate it to each other. Giving each other the space between the wicked lives we live is sometimes the most important and best thing you can do for one another.

Weathering the storm.. It could-be worse then you think because the legs on their table might not be stable (Remember this https://and-here-we-are.com/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-yourself/  Remember if you don’t have a good relationship with at least 1 of the 4 legs on your table, you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, you have to have at least 1, at the very least 1).

And why would you pass judgment or find fault in that?  Unless you’re walking exactly in their shoes at that time of their storm you have no idea what they’re going through. It could-be all kinds of storms a tsunami of this………a tornado of that………a flood of those……… it really doesn’t matter because you’re not walking in their shoes.

 If indeed what one says to the other is exactly the storms that is going on in their lives. They don’t want you to see the worst of them. Up to this point they’ve only want you to see the best of them, sharing, exploring, being adventurous with, getting to know each other. But then the storms came in and came in very fast and very rapidly. So with that talking through and understanding what we go through when we go through storms is important in relationships. That’s whats even more important, is that we understand that it has nothing to do with us. If indeed the storms do not revolve around you the person in the relationship with the one going through the storm.
Chemistry…………………….connection………………………..feelings……………………….. that doesn’t happen every single day when you meet somebody. And so if you’re true to that belief and how you had fallen for this person. You will have faith that there storms shall pass. Let them get through the storm. It’s not your storm to take over. And when they get through that storm and things settle and the winds are more breezy then fears.
They will find their way back-to each-other.
The hopeless romantic I dream of A-day where I’m sitting in my yard in my swing at the end of the day. Head set in listening to music having, a cocktail shutting my eyes in just listening to the sounds around me feeling the air. I open my eyes and there they would be… We all want that happy endings However look at it in these terms. I want happy and the in between all the time because then there is no beginning and there is no end it’s always in between

Here is what I know…..

Unexpected storms happen…….All the time…………………………….. It’s how we weather them that gets us through.

And so if we are wise as we should be at this age. Then we as wise adults and humans should know when to step aside allow time and most importantly just be still.

 

When it happens..

Regina Phalange

How do you know? You know when it happens… You will know…That moment you know you have fallen in love.

Recently someone shared with me the moment………..they knew. Her description was so full of happy, I could feel it for her.

As we become wiser with age, we know or at least we should  know what we want and need. So why waste time if it’s right in front of you? You shouldn’t, nor should you let anyone tell you otherwise.  They haven’t or are walking in your shoes.

For both it seemed to happen early on. How did she know……..for him at least that,  it seemed to be from of the comments he had made. She knew she needed to be very cautious and guarded. Since it had been almost 15 years since she actually felt the falling in love part.  After they started seeing each other, she sensed something different about how she felt.  There was no games, there was no BS, there was just real open honesty. Sharing what the other was seeking and searching for. Learning to understand the quirks they both noticed of the other. Listening to what the other had to say, sharing about their day, their kids, their life so to speak. This was something they both realized neither had in a very long time. The edification was something he was not used to.  She is a believer in edifying someone, building people up, is key in her world. It’s what helps makes us a better person inside and out.

After a few weeks it seemed words were being said, just not the actual I have fallen in love with you words. She didn’t want to jump on verbiage just yet. As most of us know, we need to be sure we are sensing what the other is, ya know the same page thing. What’s nerve racking about it, is that what if it’s one sided, what if one is fully there and the other is not. And you are the one who is and share how you feel only to be let down……..Hello people this is the risk we must be OK with taking when we begin and continue through a relationship. Tip your toes into the water, and then take those next steps. You have to so you know where you are heading.

And sooooo… One evening he made a comment to her about how he could feel that it was love. She was taken aback by it. Yet before she could even respond, a distraction came into play. The conversation was left up in the air. The next day after milling over how they got to that conversation, she was overwhelmed with emotions that she hadn’t felt in years. It brought this fluttery feeling within her, this sensation of happy feelings that took over her day. Enough to where she allowed herself to float along with the feelings all day long. She knew what it was……….she knew she had fallen in love with this man. When they finally had the opportunity to have the discussion, she was prepared. He beat her to the punch, yes this is where it get good, mushy, romantic, magical. They shared their day with each other as she prepared dinner, moved move into the evening and the moment hit, she went to get him a beverage and she turned around and there he was. He took her face in his hands softly, looked deep in her eyes and said “I have fallen in love with you”. She was over joyed with emotions, she looked back at him and smiled and took a deep slow breath and said “I have fallen in love with you too”.

Sharing with each other how they had been feeling for sometime but both being very guarded and cautious about it. As not to scare the other away…. Tip toeing around the subject until the moment, timing was right….

So here is what I know….

If it is meant to happen…….let it…….. don’t what if it.. People come into our lives for a reason, short term, long term whatever the case may be, we encounter people everyday. They are there for a reason….  Embrace it and let it take you were it may and don’t question it. You might find them to be just what you needed and had been searching for the whole time.

 

 

Sometimes you just have to be still…….

Regina Phalange

This can really relate to anything in general. But for this therapy session it’s about a boy and a girl…..

Recently someone shared their be still moment…..about their relationship…….with me.

Online dating……. Yes it starts there.

One day a girl made the first move. Isn’t that what we are suppose to do if we find ourselves doing the on-line dating thing? So this girl came across this boy’s profile. She like his photo and things he likes to do  from his online dating profile. She decided to reach out.. She did not expect him to respond, and low behold he did. Immediately they had an online connection.  They both felt it, most of us have been there, we have at the very least experienced this. So you all know what I am talking about. If not, my gwad get out from under that ROCK so you can experience already.  And so…..  It quickly went to texting. Which some would say don’t jump into texting right away. aaaaaaa why would that be?  It would be like having that great connection with someone you bump into at the market, or a department store, even a coffee shop. If it makes sense to pass on your card, then so be it. So moving the interview along seems to be the next step.

Ok…so…anyrate…………… With in a matter of maybe 30 minutes, it moved right to actual voice conversation. BAM a boy……a girl…….who actually wants to talk on the phone! Yes! With their wondering eyes what did they hear.. Chemistry, a connection, who has time to waste? We are after all not just older.. we are wiser.. At this stage in the game of life, we should have some idea of what in a person makes us tick.  What we like and what we don’t like. So if it feels right, then don’t just put your toes in the water, put the entire foot. And see where the steps take you.  Of course be guarded and cautions and always keep it real..

Time spent with one another a variety of ways. Today’s technology has given us that! Skype, Texting, phone to phone, even more ways to communicate then just being distant with a text.  Respectful effective communication. This people………..is something that we all know doesn’t come around that often. So the idea of exploring it with a matter of this and a matter of that, to throw a spin in it, makes each of these people want to know the other better. They both move to take the next steps.

Their “Be Still” moment came soon after they meeting, and spending time together.  One had to pull away..Not because of the other.  But because LIFE happens and sometimes it’s A LOT of Life in a short period of time. Some can manage it pretty well. Some aren’t sure where to even begin. Some are all over the place about it. So when one of you has to be still in the relationship, and you know it, then do it……Be Still.. Let the Storm, the Tsunami, whatever you want to call Life at that time, just walk through the steps.  We are only Human, and we will make mistakes on how we handle Life and a relationship at the same time. It is after all a Life of itself. One of the two had to pull away… Leaving the other left to practice Being Still!  This isn’t the easiest part of the relationship. Why is that? It’s because we may be the type that wants to help fix it… Remember this, YOU CAN’T!! So stop trying… Just share what you know… Even if someone asks you what you think? Don’t be their therapist…. Just keep what you know, simple… SIMPLE….SIMPLE….

Giving each other a time out was what was needed. Not pushing away, just stepping back and letting the other have their time out. And when it was time, the other knew when to reach out.  When they were able to talk, things were aired out about the happenings in “LIFE”. It was something that just needed to be communicated and listened to. At this stage in the game of Life we should all be much wiser. Take that time out and just “Be Still”.  By doing this they were able to move to the next step in their relationship, an even better understanding where the other is in their game of “LIFE”

So here is what I know….

We all have many lives we live through every single day. Our life with ourselves, our children, our family, our friends, our work, our home, and through all that……..Life………..sometimes it becomes overwhelming and we need to just simply practice the art of Being Still….. When you can do that, you then know you can “Be Still” when LIFE happens…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What would you do???

Regina Phalange

Would you… Or wouldn’t you? That seems to be the question I have been planked with as of late.

Given the circumstances of any situation, when asked such a question I have to ponder why someone would ask me that and why? Clearly I have all the answers…Yea No………. I just listen, I observe, I pay attention, I have no opinion, I just  keep it real, and gracious as I can.  No one wants to feel judgement, but yet they want to know what you think. I won’t step into that realm of crazy. I choose to be still……

I was approached awhile back about someone’s season, the trauma, their let downs, the mess they seem to feel their life has come to. Knowing what I know about them, it’s just a bad season for them. My hope is that they learn from what they feel their mistakes are/were.  They can power through and look at it as lesson time! I ponder what they can learn from the tsunami that is going on in their life. They can learn so much if they just try.

They could search within themselves to see how they ended up where they are and why. What was it that lead them down that path. Why did they feel it was safe. Where did they think it was going to take them. And at any time during this season did they stop and think about themselves and what they needed and mostly what they wanted…. My guess is that they were so wrapped up in the magic of it all that they put their true wants and needs aside for other things. As protection so to speak…… Because they are a people pleaser never wanting to let anyone down. It’s where they find so much joy.

However with that being said it leads their season to gear off down a path that isn’t what they thought it would be. I  mean we all hope for something amazing, something Magical…. Yet deep down we all know it’s a rare find, that diamond in the ruff. Sometimes I think perhaps we want and need more then one can really truly give without them feeling they are loosing themselves.  They are to afraid of giving up what they know about themselves and sharing that is allowing them to be vulnerable and exposed. Well what’s wrong with that?? Nothing, nothing at all… Why can’t we just be OK with allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and exposed about who we are? It’s human nature to have vulnerable feelings and emotions.

When asked what would I do…. . So here is what I know…..I simply say be still….live life out loud…… be proud of what………….. and who you are…..

At the end of the day you are the only one you have to answer to…

 

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