Why is it when our friends discover a new relationship we are then cast aside? This goes for both men and women. We all do it. WHY? Eventually the honeymoon will be over, and then all is what suppose to go back to normal? hummmmmm
Where is the balance? Aren’t we all wiser with our time today, then when we were in our 20’s even our 30’s? I would think and hope we are. Just because there is something new in our life, aka a relationship doesn’t mean you cast aside those who have been there for you. It doesn’t mean fit them in here or there. It doesn’t mean I have so much else going on, and I can’t find the time because I want to spend it with so and so. It doesn’t mean hearing the “oh you know I want to spend time getting to know this person better, so my time is limited.” Blah, blah, blah………………………………………….
No matter what, when you have close friends, you are in a relationship with them, you may not think so, but yes indeed you are! Casting them on to the sidelines until you are ready to play with them again just isn’t OK. These are the people who have been with you through thick and thin, wiped you up off the floor when you thought your world was going to fall apart. Was there just because, was there when you needed someone…..THEM. Was there to laugh with. Was there to cry with. Was there just to be there. That is what true friends are. Then one all a sudden something new is part of the their life and you are left on the sidelines of the game until you are called into play.
I ponder if those friends even take a second to realize just how this makes one feel. Sad, hurt, mad, a little heartbroken perhaps. If there is one thing Regina doesn’t like, is when someone disappoints her, nor does she want to ever disappoint anyone. When that person then comes around and asks the question; “what’s wrong, did I do something wrong?” Clearly they haven’t looked at your relationship as a true friend, as a relationship that at times can be tender. Disappointing… Simply disappointing… Maybe both parties are wrong, maybe both parties are right, maybe both parties just need to talk it out, when a time out is taken on both sides and communication can be effective for both.
So here is what I know……
Be an effective communicator…… How do we then let them know they are disappointing us with this brush of of the game. Without making them feel completely angry, upset, sad, hurt and so on….. Express what is bothering you, discuss when you felt you were put out of the game and on the sidelines. Open up about how you were there first and that having someone new in their life is great (because it really is) but that ignoring your friendship is not so great! Communicate how this makes you feel and why. Ask them to just listen… Then ask them to take a time out and weather through what was said. Because it will be a storm of sorts, the edge of the bridge is right there and it could lead to being pushed right over and it the friendship is lost forever. Or it could mean you sat through the storm together, and here you are…. You’ve opened up their eyes and yours to what your friendship really means to you both.
Keep that true friend(s) who is/are your dearest friend(s) close, and even closer. Because one day you will NEED them in more ways the one!
