Tag: love

Interesting Hallmark…

Regina Phalange

Don’t you feel sometimes you are living and breathing a Hallmark movie? ……….Come on….. you know you have at one time or another. Being the worst Hallmark Movie ever. Yet you got through it.

A few friends of mine shared their Hallmarks with me. A couple of them single, a couple of them married…………both being in very different places in their lives as far as relationships……….wanting one……..and/or……… staying as far away as possible from it as the other could. And another friends relationship is on steady waters……….
Both in need of education of needs and wants………
Leaving dismay, questions, life, love in a little bit of a storm AKA
Their Season and Reason.

None of this is rocket science my friends. It’s simple words of expression, you know Communication….effective Communication!

Being single myself I completely understand all of this! Being in these seasons in my life and trying to figure out what to do. Will it make sense if I do it this way, or better that way? What if there is judgement? Will others think it’s drama? With all this turmoil of thought………….why would anyone want such a Hallmark? Why……..because we are human, we are meant to be with someone. It’s really OK to admit this. It’s best to actually communicate this concept. The challenge here, is the one you want to communicate with, are they open to it? Most are not, for fear of hearing the honest truth. Most just can’t handle the truth because it means looking in the mirror. Finding themselves in a space of their life they might not be to pleased with and have never figured out how to manage it….so it’s less painful.

The downside is most just don’t know how to/or understand how to communicate effectively. They’ve most likely never been given such an opportunity………………their shining moment to do just that………..effectively communicate!
So they judge….they question…..they aren’t honest……….open………….or even true to themselves. Those individuals are those who loose themselves in a cloud running in circles only seeing the same result. Because they are challenged with changing this cycle…………………….they will continue to run in the same circles only seeing the same results………..

Here is what I know…..
Communication is KEY in any and all relationships. Stop thinking otherwise. Even if it hurts you, angers you, makes you want to pull the hair out of your head or gives you great feelings of joy, laughter, love….. It is the key to magic that lies ahead. You just have to try……and try again……..and maybe some more…..

Just try……. You’ll feel better knowing that you did. Maybe not right off the bat…….but you will.

Letting go…….Holding on……Letting go…….Holding on………

Regina Phalange

Neither are easy……….When it comes to that someone……..

Over the past many months my girlfriend thought she had moved on……gotten over him. Who was she kidding?
She hadn’t see him in months, a few text messages here and there. One day she found herself sitting 2 seats away from him at the movies without her knowing this. After the show she discovered he was there. They chatted a little parted ways, she found herself sending him a message to meet to chat. He had given her the yes let’s try message. Only not hear from him……

One day she decided she need to let go….. So since he wasn’t giving her an opportunity to just have a face to face conversation. She simply wanted to tell him what was never said, what she needed to share with him. When they last saw each other, there was no closure, nothing. He had too much life going on he just couldn’t manage anything, or anyone else. She knew this was ok, she wasn’t going to stalk him, she wasn’t going to chase, and she knew she had to let him go… He had to go and manage his life…. Fast forward months later she was given an opportunity to finally tell him everything she needed to tell him.

When they finally met, she told him she knew why he needed to do what he needed to do. Even though she knew he didn’t mean to break her heart. He did that, he broke her heart. She needed him to know this, she needed him to know she knew it wasn’t intentional. She just needed him to know what she had been through. She needed him to know that when she saw him at the movies she knew she was still in love with him. As nervous as she was, the minute she expressed all of what she felt and needed to say. It was as though she opened her window and her soul flew free. She claims it was an amazing feeling…

Where are they now….. All they know is everything is out on the table. She knows his playing field, he knows hers. All that can be done at this point, is to let the wind take them to their next cloud…..

Here is what I know………..

Being able to tell the one you love exactly what is on your mind, even though you may not be together, gives you more control over your emotions, feelings and heart. Stay cautious and guarded………..Our hearts are tender…
Protect it, play it safe, keep it real! Always!

 

 

She always finds a way to surprise me….

Regina Phalange

I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!!!!

It’s been sometime since Regina has had some words of wisdom and what she knows…  When you least expect it……

Discovery!!!

I found her (my daughter SMR) message on a blank canvas…

This makes my heart smile…. This makes me happy.

I asked her when she did this and asked her why… She told me, you left your computer open, after your last blog, a while ago. And I wanted to let you know..

I love you………..

Here is what I know….

Always know even though parents are everywhere in their children s’ lives. They are right there with us. Always!

I LOVE YOU TOO SMR!!!!!!!

 

Know when it’s all about timing………………….

Regina Phalange

Sometimes it’s all just that……….it’s about timing…..

Just when we think……………..feel…… and breath normal.. Timing plays a factor.  How do we bypass that?…….Well we don’t………simple as that.
The laws of average seem to bring in storms that effect the timing in our lives.

Experiencing the wonderful world of timing…  It’s not that we expect anything bad to happen………….meaning our world can be smooth………………………..moving forward…………….positive………………good………full…. We still have all that. But enter the storms of LIFE….. Completely unexpected and unfound, but yet sometimes the storms have nothing to do with us.  Though seem to effect us the most. Add other little storms into the mix and ta da, you have  what some would call a shitstorm…… Don’t look at it like that… Maybe look at it like this……. Life happens, and sometimes a lot of life happens at once. Unexpected, which is ok, we have to walk through Life and manage what we can within our control……. Else we live by the laws of average…… Who wants that???

When you engage your life with someone, and are walking down a similar path, sometimes there are so many distractions, that they cloud where your path is. Taking you down a path of despair, confusion….mostly the unknown. This is hard when you are first starting out in a relationship. Especially if one of you is wanting to tell the other what they know……..NO……Not advice, because Regina will tell you NEVER give advice, just share what you know.

So when this happens, and your partner has a storm coming, we start to see how can we tell them what we know. With out it seeming like advice, provide facts, justification of those facts. That’s all you can do, they have to be the one to take those facts and decide if they can use them in their storm. Or at the very least how to see their storm in a different wave. Usually there is one that is stronger of the 2. The one who is stronger of the 2 needs to be sure that their partner understands, that we (the stronger of the 2) understand they have a storm going on. Big…………small…………indifferent……….no matter the size. We need to make sure they understand, we understand.  We are able to be adult enough to step aside, give them time to get through their storm. Even if this means stepping away from what they have built thus far in their relationship.

Sometimes both will have storms at the same time. Yes……………this can be tricky! Those of us who are wise, know this……… no ones storm is worse then the other. It’s just a different.  Being wiser we should be able to recognize that one of them is going through more storms, some quite heavy at times then the other. With that, there should be no judgement. What should be is simply being able to recognize it, and validate it to each other. Giving each other the space between the wicked lives we live is sometimes the most important and best thing you can do for one another.

Weathering the storm.. It could-be worse then you think because the legs on their table might not be stable (Remember this https://and-here-we-are.com/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-yourself/  Remember if you don’t have a good relationship with at least 1 of the 4 legs on your table, you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, you have to have at least 1, at the very least 1).

And why would you pass judgment or find fault in that?  Unless you’re walking exactly in their shoes at that time of their storm you have no idea what they’re going through. It could-be all kinds of storms a tsunami of this………a tornado of that………a flood of those……… it really doesn’t matter because you’re not walking in their shoes.

 If indeed what one says to the other is exactly the storms that is going on in their lives. They don’t want you to see the worst of them. Up to this point they’ve only want you to see the best of them, sharing, exploring, being adventurous with, getting to know each other. But then the storms came in and came in very fast and very rapidly. So with that talking through and understanding what we go through when we go through storms is important in relationships. That’s whats even more important, is that we understand that it has nothing to do with us. If indeed the storms do not revolve around you the person in the relationship with the one going through the storm.
Chemistry…………………….connection………………………..feelings……………………….. that doesn’t happen every single day when you meet somebody. And so if you’re true to that belief and how you had fallen for this person. You will have faith that there storms shall pass. Let them get through the storm. It’s not your storm to take over. And when they get through that storm and things settle and the winds are more breezy then fears.
They will find their way back-to each-other.
The hopeless romantic I dream of A-day where I’m sitting in my yard in my swing at the end of the day. Head set in listening to music having, a cocktail shutting my eyes in just listening to the sounds around me feeling the air. I open my eyes and there they would be… We all want that happy endings However look at it in these terms. I want happy and the in between all the time because then there is no beginning and there is no end it’s always in between

Here is what I know…..

Unexpected storms happen…….All the time…………………………….. It’s how we weather them that gets us through.

And so if we are wise as we should be at this age. Then we as wise adults and humans should know when to step aside allow time and most importantly just be still.

 

When it happens..

Regina Phalange

How do you know? You know when it happens… You will know…That moment you know you have fallen in love.

Recently someone shared with me the moment………..they knew. Her description was so full of happy, I could feel it for her.

As we become wiser with age, we know or at least we should  know what we want and need. So why waste time if it’s right in front of you? You shouldn’t, nor should you let anyone tell you otherwise.  They haven’t or are walking in your shoes.

For both it seemed to happen early on. How did she know……..for him at least that,  it seemed to be from of the comments he had made. She knew she needed to be very cautious and guarded. Since it had been almost 15 years since she actually felt the falling in love part.  After they started seeing each other, she sensed something different about how she felt.  There was no games, there was no BS, there was just real open honesty. Sharing what the other was seeking and searching for. Learning to understand the quirks they both noticed of the other. Listening to what the other had to say, sharing about their day, their kids, their life so to speak. This was something they both realized neither had in a very long time. The edification was something he was not used to.  She is a believer in edifying someone, building people up, is key in her world. It’s what helps makes us a better person inside and out.

After a few weeks it seemed words were being said, just not the actual I have fallen in love with you words. She didn’t want to jump on verbiage just yet. As most of us know, we need to be sure we are sensing what the other is, ya know the same page thing. What’s nerve racking about it, is that what if it’s one sided, what if one is fully there and the other is not. And you are the one who is and share how you feel only to be let down……..Hello people this is the risk we must be OK with taking when we begin and continue through a relationship. Tip your toes into the water, and then take those next steps. You have to so you know where you are heading.

And sooooo… One evening he made a comment to her about how he could feel that it was love. She was taken aback by it. Yet before she could even respond, a distraction came into play. The conversation was left up in the air. The next day after milling over how they got to that conversation, she was overwhelmed with emotions that she hadn’t felt in years. It brought this fluttery feeling within her, this sensation of happy feelings that took over her day. Enough to where she allowed herself to float along with the feelings all day long. She knew what it was……….she knew she had fallen in love with this man. When they finally had the opportunity to have the discussion, she was prepared. He beat her to the punch, yes this is where it get good, mushy, romantic, magical. They shared their day with each other as she prepared dinner, moved move into the evening and the moment hit, she went to get him a beverage and she turned around and there he was. He took her face in his hands softly, looked deep in her eyes and said “I have fallen in love with you”. She was over joyed with emotions, she looked back at him and smiled and took a deep slow breath and said “I have fallen in love with you too”.

Sharing with each other how they had been feeling for sometime but both being very guarded and cautious about it. As not to scare the other away…. Tip toeing around the subject until the moment, timing was right….

So here is what I know….

If it is meant to happen…….let it…….. don’t what if it.. People come into our lives for a reason, short term, long term whatever the case may be, we encounter people everyday. They are there for a reason….  Embrace it and let it take you were it may and don’t question it. You might find them to be just what you needed and had been searching for the whole time.

 

 

When we fall….

Regina Phalange

How do you fall???

In the moment/s…

In Lust….

In love…

No matter what it is, when we fall, it can and will have many different outcomes. We may only be looking for one outcome, but don’t be surprised if it’s nothing as you had thought it could be. We don’t have a magic crystal ball to see into the future. We can’t control what will happen when we fall in the moment, in lust or in love.  We have to simply open up our window and left our soul fly free.

When the moment strikes us it does come out of no where, it’s that moment someone smiles at you in that way, that makes your heart skip a beat or 3. It’s that moment you notice them leaning in to breath in just how good you smell and you notice it and they are glad you did. It’s that moment you both feel that chemistry, that connection. It’s that moment you know you want to taste their lips and feel their skin. It’s that moment when you are ready to fall asleep and wake up and they are what/who seems to be on your mind. It’s that moment you get a text or a phone call from them that makes your heart smile. It’s that moment they share something from their childhood that is special to them. It’s that moment they listen to you. It’s that moment when you look into each others eyes and you both just know…….

Lustful thoughts…… sensual lustful thoughts…It’s that moment you stop and think of them and you feel the energy of being with them sore through your body. It’s that moment they touch your skin you feel it from head to toe. It’s that moment you want to take them and do what you have discussed for weeks and just go with it. It’s that moment when your eyes roll to the back of your head and you are in the moment and just let go. It’s that moment where you allow yourself to be vulnerable to this person and they are with you. It’s that moment where each others fantasies comes to life.  It’s that moment when you look into each others eyes and you both just know.

In love…..This isn’t something to tread lightly. It’s that moment it hits you like a brick. It’s those moments you can’t stop thinking about them. It’s the moment our friend calls you out on it, and asks. you fell in love didn’t you? And you were trying to be quite about it. It clearly didn’t work.  It’s that moment you feel you shouldn’t give up. It’s that moment they ask you not to give up on them. It’s that moment they say you are who I want to be with. It’s that moment they say you are the only one I want. It’s that moment you look into each others eyes and you both just know.

Love, Lust, Moment/s they strike you from no where…

So…..Here is what I know…..

Take the chance of something that could be your amazing…

 

Do you have a good relationship with yourself?

Regina Phalange

Well do you? It all starts there.

I read a great book about 15 years ago called “Social Gathering, in Pursuit of the Perfect Relationship” SG No it’s not about the Perfect Relationship with a man, or a women. It’s about having the perfect relationship with yourself, before you can with someone else. So this book got me thinking on a few levels of the relationships we have with ourselves. Do you have a good emotional, physical, spiritual, financial relationship with yourself? Sometimes we go through phases on all levels of each of these. Now of course when we have all 4 at the same time, it’s amazing how good you feel your life and you are.

Through this discovery myself I can pinpoint right now when it happened for me.  No it wasn’t years ago, no it wasn’t after my divorce, nor was it yesterday.  It came when things starting falling into place for me. When I could stop and think about for example my physical relationship with myself. I’m not a skinny mini (nor would I want to be), I’m not obese, I’m not perfect by any means, but I look in the mirror and physically feel good about what I see in that mirror. I work hard with the body I have been given, I pay attention to what my genetics are ( have since I was about 18). I know being active is something I will always have to incorporate in my life. By the way working out for me is like therapy, truly it is! I used to hate having to go to the gym. Now I look forward to my 60-90 minute therapy sessions 5-6 days a week. Okay back to the discussion….. I feel good about the skin I am in, I embrace what I see, what I feel about the women standing in front of me in the mirror.

And so with that, I thought about other area’s I seek to….. After my divorce I found control of my finances, finally… yes someone else had control of that for almost 13 years. Once I was able to move out of debt and into what works for me. I was happy with where I am financially. I don’t live high off the hog.  I live a frugal simple life. I like nice things, but know how to shop and purchase on the dime…… I have placed my daughter’s college account on track, as it should have been 12 years ago, remember I did not have control of that.. It’s to bad because it could better today if it were. So I took care of that for her.  I know I need to do for her, and I think after all that has gone on with our lives over the past 5, 6 years I’ve done a pretty great job at it. The big win here is she has seen first hand how her Mumma has powered through and has taught her the importance of it.

Spiritually, I consider myself a recovering Catholic (don’t judge). I seek a higher power in a different way. Kinda like when Obi Won tells Luke about The Force “It’s an energy field created by all living things, surrounds us penetrates us and combines us all together”. ( https://youtu.be/x2YQJsbbWNA ) When I was about 12, my brother and I saw Star Wars for the first time. It was AWEsome! That scene at that time in my life, living and growing up Catholic, changed my entire thought process of religion.  Call it what you want, but there is some wisdom in with what Obi Won has to say about the Force we live in.  How we choose to live it…  Enough said there.

My Emotional relationship with myself is most likely for me the most important. I find for me it’s the core of my heart. We have to know what we want versus what we need, most importantly why.  Knowing who I am inside and out, loving who I am, being who I am for me. I am straight shooter kinda gal, I do not put tulips around anything, nor do I sugar coat anything. I am that lady who will say what everyone else wants to but with a lot of Grace.  Keep it real. Always keep it real…. You’ve read that before if you have kept up with me through my writing therapy sessions. So what does this mean basically, don’t hold back, share your feelings, be OK with that. After all it’s part of human nature to feel at some level. If you need to share it and you want to share, then by all means, Share! Once you can do that, and be honest, keep it real with who ever you are sharing with you. You will find something within yourself you might not have realized you had. A voice for your heart… It’s an amazing feeling… Give it a try you’ll see..

So here is what I know………………….

Now don’t get me wrong we all fall short in these areas. If you can look in the mirror and look into yourself. Smile about one of those relationships you have with yourself…..You can find it within yourself to find that great relationship with the others. When you do, you will find the best you, you can be!

 

 

Taking a risk….

Regina Phalange

When we fall for someone it comes with the risk that it might not be what we had hoped it to be.

Over the weekend a friend shared some of her heartbreak with me….. Confusion is on the tip of her brain due to it.

Let me share…

She’s never been more confused on the subject then she is now…..Men…. They want you, they court you, they woo you, say all the right things only to be told they don’t feel it’s working.. WHY? Most likely shit got to REAL and the moment it did, he was gone… Instead of sharing these feelings and working on them together as partners. Does this paint a picture that this person really didn’t want a partnership to begin with?

She poses the question:? How is it that when a man tries so hard to get the girl he wants (months of trying) he BAM with a snap of the fingers after he finally gets her, he bails…….????? She is heart broken.. Who wouldn’t be….. What she does know is that she feels the possibility that someone even greater will seek her out.  Good for her!!!

What impresses me is she will always be grateful for the experience and knowledge she got from being with him. She knows she will always miss him to some degree, and she is OK, she is after all human..

When we fall so hard even when we didn’t want. The risk of heartbreak is right there….It’s a death of something, that something that we hoped was going to be our amazing. It’s the risk we as strong humans are willing to take. Why do we, well because we can. Never say can’t because we always can! Just try. Men and women are creatures of habit.When we attempt to try…… when it comes to love, lust, passion, amazing and feeling…. Well most of us are really truly scared. It means they are letting their guard down, not being as cautious, they are opening up to the idea of something awesome. Yet when this happens, bam that person is gone.  WHY??? Most likely to come back and realize they should have just asked/said simple questions and/or suggestions.  Then it’s a matter of do we take them back, give them a second chance, after all don’t well deserve that second chance? Even if in deed they ran because they felt something better was going to come along. YES I say this because sometimes we need to make these dumb mistakes to realize what we had was quite possibly our amazing…

Men are simple… Very simple…. They are fearful that women don’t get that. When in reality we get it more then they know.  They just have to ask, they just have to let us know. And we as women need to LISTEN, not hear what he is saying, sharing, expressing, but LISTEN!!! Pay attention!!!!!

So here is what I know……

Power through, continue to be hopeful, to live patience, not just practice it, live it… Good things do come to those who know it’s there.